Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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    • Illustration
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    • The best of Hookers or Cake
      • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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      Amazon.com Widgets

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      • Inspiration
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        • ----------------------------------------- some tumblr friends

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        • Rrrick
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        • Wonder Tonic
          • ----------------------------------------- some writing

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          • Josh Luft
          • I'm a Veronica
        • Mr. King was here
          • Aloha Friday
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          tell me lies! Submit stuff
          • February 12, 2012 9:43 pm

            From the book,

            35 notes Filed under:  Beach Boys, Grammys, whoring,.
          • January 11, 2012 11:15 pm
            *****ATTENTION!!!******WHORING AND SELF PROMOTION ***** DEAD AHEAD! *****DANGER!***** LOOK OUT! ***** The new black t-shirts are so black that they are the absence of light and the full spectrum of color. They are the Aplha and Omega. The ying and the yang. A banana daquari and a great white shark. They cost $18 shipped to your door. If you want to ad a signed book and set (12) of single author postcards that’ll set ya back $23 american. I gotsa pay/pal button on my blog. Canada & International ad $7 because, unlike myself, the post don’t run on butterfly kisses and mescaline. Thank you for your time and support.

            *****ATTENTION!!!******WHORING AND SELF PROMOTION ***** DEAD AHEAD! *****DANGER!***** LOOK OUT! *****

            The new black t-shirts are so black that they are the absence of light and the full spectrum of color. They are the Aplha and Omega. The ying and the yang. A banana daquari and a great white shark. They cost $18 shipped to your door. If you want to ad a and set (12) of single author postcards that’ll set ya back $23 american. I gotsa pay/pal button on my blog.

            Canada & International ad $7 because, unlike myself, the post don’t run on butterfly kisses and mescaline.

            Thank you for your time and support.

            73 notes Filed under:  Bukowski, Philip K. Dick, Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, Whoring, T-shirt, Hookers or Cake, capitalist stooge,.
          • January 1, 2012 11:06 pm

            Hey wonderful humans! My new book goes on sale on Amazon in a few minutes.

            Amazon says that it won’t ship for 2 - 4 weeks but this is a lie. It actually drop ships within 24hrs from one of 12 locations across the country and is even available in the and Australia! Of course you can always get free shipping if your order is $25 and it totally qualifies for their 4 books for the price of 3 thingy.

            I worked all year on this little bitch! Its filled with 30+ illustrations for the kids! 116 pages and looks, feels, and smells just like a real book. Ands its only $8.95 and £5 in the UK.

            If you received an advance copy you can always give it a scandalous review.

            Ok, enough whoring… Happy New Year!

            54 notes Filed under:  Hookers or Cake, whoring, the new cover is sweet,.
          • January 18, 2011 8:01 am

            Help this asshole get back in the directory WHOOOO!

            19 notes Filed under:  I'm down to -6 followers, whoring, self loathing $ells,.
          • August 12, 2010 9:04 pm

            :

            The proofs have been proofed and now the big machines whirl and spin.

            These early copies will all come signed and with a original 4x6 ink drawing.

            Click the pic to make larger and follow on tumblr for more updates and sneak previews, giveaways, contests, and hastily built sex toys.

            Check out our PayPal link to purchase Thanks!

            24 notes Filed under:  Hookers or Cake, Whoring, silly stories,.
          • May 16, 2010 1:30 pm
            [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.] 330 plays

            I made a silly little radio commercial for my new book…

            Click here  and claim your “free” book!


            12 notes Filed under:  Jade Bos, book, hookers or cake, nothings free=(, shameless self propmotion, whoring, bestofhoc,.
          • March 2, 2010 8:45 pm
            [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.] 174 plays

            via. :

            Mustache - I Got A (Mustache!)

            Hey Mustache Fans! This song is fuckalicious! Listen to it on repeat while reading my Mustache novella on Tumblr.

            My mustache book is just like the bible; in that it is poorly written, full of vague pop culture references and if you don’t believe that every misplaced comma is the work of the Lord… well yer going to HELL!!!

            P.S. Tuesdays will now be known as WYT (Whore Yourself Tuesdays)

            13 notes Filed under:  drugs, hst, mustache, whoring, music,.
          by Peter Vidani. For .
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