Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.


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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.


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          • December 22, 2012 10:49 pm

            John Prine - Jesus, The Missing Years

            There was a fat drunk mullet wearing idiot singing to a plate of pancakes at Denny’s. It was during bar rush so it didn’t seem that outta place. What made it unusual was is what he was singing, “I’m a human corkscrew and all my wine is blood, they gonna kill me momma, they don’t like me Bud.” I raised an eyebrow at my best friend. He smiled and whispered, “He’s singing John Prine.” Well that old boy sat there in his Starter jacket and Oakleys and sang 4 or 5 John Prine songs between mouthfuls of a late night/early morning breakfast.

            We saw him a few more times after that, always drunk and singing John Prine. I even saw him one night at some small country bar about twenty miles outside of town. “Fucking Todd!” was all the bartender muttered. “You know em?” I said. “Yep, runs a forklift over at the mill. Sonafabitch comes in every Friday night. After bout three or four beers he starts playing John Prine on the jukebox and singing along and he don’t stop till I close up.” “Why don’t you just take the Prine outta the jukebox?” I asked. “Well,” he sighed, “Todd’s wife died in a wreck bout two years ago.” “Oh,” I said. “Yeah,” said the bartender, “whattya gonna do.” “I guess be thankful he don’t like Garth Brooks,” I said.

          • September 27, 2012 12:20 am

            This is from the past, but its also from our future.

            Its from that TV show Breaking Bad, you know Walt? This is Walter after his crank dealing days are over. Turns out old Walt becomes a new age hippy and moves to Sedona.

            Now he sings to the future, this song from the past.

          • September 14, 2012 11:37 pm

            Miami Vice  - 1985 - Cry - Godley & Creme

            I thought this was the most awesome thing in the world when I was 13. Ted Nugent as an evil drug smuggler and Don Johnson. I even put together my own Don Johnson Miami Vice look and tried it out at the middle school dance. I had the knock off Ray-Bans that I stole. White dress slacks, a terrible bright Hawaiian shirt with a looser fitting white shirt over the top to act as a kinda suit coat. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but goddammit I was trying. I slow danced with a girl to Purple Rain. I was ridiculous, but I was in the game.

          • July 8, 2012 5:03 pm

            Please take 10 secs to watch this vid. Tis a declaration of my love for thee.

            Warmest Regards - Hookers or Cake

          • July 8, 2012 1:11 am

            Tommy Jarrell at the age of 82 playing music on a porch somewhere… maybe in the bright shining heart of all things. Jump to :55 if you are impatient to hear Tommy sing a sweet melody.

            “If I get drunk and I get drunk

            just let me fall little darling on the ground

            on the ground - on the ground

            just let me fall little darling on that ground.”

          • June 17, 2012 1:42 am

            I was eight years old and this was my favorite song. They had it on the jukebox at the Burger-n-Shake. It was 1 play for 10 cents or 3 for a quarter. Anytime I’d get a couple of bucks I’d go get a medium twist dip cone and sit by myself, stare out the window and listen to Love on the Rocks, three times in a row. I was a sad weird creepy kid.

            Anyone else love terrible songs when they were a kid?

          • May 26, 2012 1:03 am

            When Warren Zevon was diagnosed with inoperable cancer and only given a few months to live he decided against treatment that would have effected his ability to perform. He recorded one last record instead and lived a whole year, long enough to see his twin grandkids born. Here he is performing “My Shit’s Fucked Up”

          • May 20, 2012 1:03 am

            Mid sixties car commercial shows the dangers of mixing scotch and dirty speed.

          • April 20, 2012 6:23 pm

            My gift to the internet Gods on this most hallowed of days is a fully loaded Kenny Rodgers singing “Ruby” What kinda wonderful drugs do you suppose he’s on?