Hookers or Cake

Hey its my 2 year Tumblr anniversary! Lets celebrate with my Choose Your Own Adventure/Mustache book - Jade

You are the cocaine fueled lead singer of the defunct band, Shy Glove. It has been 6 years since your last hit single, “Mustache Fuss” and it has been a sharp jagged fall from the top. Your latest solo record “Mumbletop Mountain” opened on Billboards top 200 at #114, only to fall off the face of the earth and to never be heard from again. Your big tour was immediately cancelled and the only gigs you can get are opening for Creed at state fairs across the mid-west.

You owe money to evil people all over the world; Drug dealers, bookies, ex-spouses, club managers, gangsters, & even a dictator of some eastern block country, whose kids birthday you failed to show up at. Your only hope of even staying alive at this point is by getting the band back together for a reunion tour. The only problem is your old lead guitarist, Frank, has gone missing.

Linda, Franks wife, says that Frank started acting erratically in the past few months. He grew a mustache and started disappearing for days and then weeks at a time. Linda says she hasn’t seen Frank in 2 weeks but he appears at the house from time to time. She needs your help. Franks coke dealer, in El Segundo is also looking for him. Linda is worried.

Do you in Santa Monica to see Linda

or

Do you go over to

“I’ll stay a week or two, I’ll stay the summer through, but I am telling you…

I must be going.”

-Groucho Marx (The 22cnd Patriarch of Moustache)

I find the old picture

like a forgotten candy bar tucked away in ones boot

only to be remembered in the middle of a munchie fueled, drug

crazed search



It is in quiet moments like this that I meditate on thee

You break out and are upon me

like the warm shhuddering piss of a walrus at a breakfast buffet

I find myself helpless

and in awe of your immense power and grace



The Greek Chorus may taunt me

singing (to the tune of Camptown Ladies) “Johnny Cash didn’t have

a mustache - doo-da - doo-da”

but I simply smile to myself, because I know the truth…



Just because you don’t see a mustache doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Love is both complex and simple.

Thinking about doing a full length Choose Your Own Adventure book.

You are the cocaine fueled lead singer of the now defunct band, Shy Glove. It has been 6 years since your last hit single, “Mustache Fuss” and it has been a sharp jagged fall from the top. Your latest solo record “Mumbletop Mountain” opened on Billboards top 200 at #114, only to fall off the face of the earth and to never be heard from again. Your big tour was immediately canceled and the only gigs you can get now are opening for Creed at state & county fairs across the mid-west.

You owe money to many powerful and evil people all over the world; Drug dealers, bookies, ex-spouses, club managers, gangsters, & even a dictator of some eastern block country, whose kids birthday party you failed to show up at. It’s becoming obvious, your only hope of even staying alive at this point is by getting the band back together for a reunion tour. The only problem is your old lead guitarist, Frank, has gone missing.

Linda, Franks wife, says that Frank started acting erratically in the past few months. He grew a mustache and started disappearing for days and then weeks at a time. Linda says Frank appears at the house from time to time. She needs your help. Frank also has a coke dealer in El Segundo who is looking for him. Linda is worried that it might already be to late and that Frank could be gone forever.

Do you in Santa Monica to see Linda

or

Do you go over to

I’m on Saturn getting married by Sun Ra, so in lieu of my absence please enjoy my online book.

I will be back shortly, if I survive reentry.

I wrote a Choose Your Own Adventure style book for Tumblr. Just read and click on your choice at the bottom of each page. There are a bunch of different pages and endings - HookersorCake

You are the cocaine fueled lead singer of the now defunct band “Shy Glove”. It has been 6 years since your last hit single, “Mustache Fuss” and it has been a sharp jagged fall from the top. Your latest solo record “Mumbletop Mountain” opened on Billboards top 200 at #114, only to fall off the face of the earth and to never be heard from again. Your big tour was immediately canceled and the only gigs you can get now are opening for Creed at state & county fairs across the mid-west.

You owe money to many powerful and evil people all over the world; Drug dealers, bookies, ex-spouses, club managers, gangsters, & even a dictator of some eastern block country, whose kids birthday party you failed to show up at. It is becoming obvious, that your only hope of even staying alive at this point is by getting the band back together for a new album and a reunion tour. The only problem with this plan is your old lead guitarist, Frank, has gone missing.

Linda, Franks wife, says that Frank started acting erratically in the past few months. He grew a mustache and started disappearing for days and then weeks at a time. Linda says she hasn’t seen Frank in weeks but he appears at the house from time to time. She needs your help. She also says that Frank has a coke dealer in El Segundo who is looking for him. She is worried that it might already be to late and that Frank could be gone forever.

Do you in Santa Monica to see Linda

or

Do you go over to