Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          tell me lies! Submit stuff
          • March 2, 2012 11:49 am

            :

            in one sitting. And I don’t read ANYTHING, let alone in one sitting. That being said, this is one of the most next level books I’ve read in a while. It’s crazy. It’s full of vivid opposing imagery. It has multiple references to the fanciest restaurant in my hometown, Applebee’s. It compares the smell of dumping a bottle of English Leather on you and downing a flask of 12 year old whiskey to being “strangled by James Garner.” 

            I read a lot of garbage with my work for Nan Bu Nan. This book makes you pay attention. It is clever, but not in a way your english professor would condone. I don’t know the writer personally, but now I want to.

            Awww thanks for the kind words! Makes me happier than a robotic monkey throwing shit at the pope.

          • June 25, 2010 9:25 am
            The Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyland tried to stay hip by covering rap songs. But it all backfired when Big Al became a crack addict and ran away.

            The Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyland tried to stay hip by covering rap songs. But it all backfired when Big Al became a crack addict and ran away.

          • June 21, 2010 10:31 am
            The strangest pet toy shop just opened up down the street.

            The strangest pet toy shop just opened up down the street.

          • June 18, 2010 9:44 am
            TGIF ?

            TGIF ?

          • June 13, 2010 11:30 am
            “Baby, I’m gonna buy you a mansion and burn it down to the ground.” - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

            “Baby, I’m gonna buy you a mansion and burn it down to the ground.”

            - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

          • June 8, 2010 9:05 am
            Bottomless Tuesday

            Bottomless Tuesday

          • May 21, 2010 5:36 pm
            TGIF Bitches!!! 

            TGIF Bitches!!! 

          • May 17, 2010 10:02 pm
            Dear world Don’t pay any attention to Sarah Palin. She is a dumb troll. Ignore her. Do not click on anything with her name on it. It’ll just be her, saying some dumb uniformed shit, any brainwashed, self righteous, 12 yr old cult member would spew. The problem is we see “Palin slams president” and we click on the article and so do 1 million other people and then Palin stays in the news. The the dumb whore that is our media, just interjects PALIN into any news story when it starts to die out and Ta-DA! Brand new news story! Just add Palin! and the world mistakes her bile as relevant. So I REPEAT… IGNORE HER!!! Do not click on her name or likeness. We can end this.

            Dear world

            Don’t pay any attention to Sarah Palin. She is a dumb troll. Ignore her. Do not click on anything with her name on it. It’ll just be her, saying some dumb uniformed shit, any brainwashed, self righteous, 12 yr old cult member would spew.

            The problem is we see “Palin slams president” and we click on the article and so do 1 million other people and then Palin stays in the news. The the dumb whore that is our media, just interjects PALIN into any news story when it starts to die out and Ta-DA! Brand new news story! Just add Palin! and the world mistakes her bile as relevant.

            So I REPEAT… IGNORE HER!!! Do not click on her name or likeness. We can end this.

          • May 4, 2010 9:00 am
            Hey lets play Match Game. Juggalette Julie left her  _______ at home?

            Hey lets play Match Game.

            Juggalette Julie left her  _______ at home?

          • May 1, 2010 12:08 pm
            I pine for a simpler time. A time when a man could spend all afternoon in a tree, perfecting his Chewbacca roar, and not get arrested. - Henry David Thoreau

            I pine for a simpler time.

            A time when a man could spend all afternoon in a tree, perfecting his Chewbacca roar, and not get arrested.

            - Henry David Thoreau