Hookers or Cake

Google Earth Live has evolved so much that I’ve been zooming in on my job site and recording it daily on my computer. Then in the evening I come home, eat dinner by myself and watch myself work. I watch my coworkers. I watch myself go to lunch across the street to the sandwich shop. I can look at all the pretty girls who walk by at my leisure. Girls who I’d never dare leer at in real life, because I’m not a creep.

 Its all pretty interesting but I’ve decided that I need more, so I planted a directional microphone in my pants. I can record sound and sync it up with the video when I get home. I’ve gotten to where I’m pretty good at amplifying the sound and being able to zoom in the picture. I can see and hear almost everything that is going on around me for 100 yards. The only trouble I have is with reflections and echos. For instance one time I zoomed in on a topless women sunbathing only to discover when I zoomed out, that I’d masturbated to a branch of a tree. Yesterday I zoomed in on a women at the train stop who was breast feeding her baby only then to witness a murder. Today at lunch I saw a bunch of construction workers on break. They were drinking frappuccinos, whistling and staring at something all wide eyed. I couldn’t see what they were looking at so when I got home I zoomed in and all I could see was a little bird, with a broken wing, trying to fly.

 Tumblr author and all around great guy is releasing his latest book “Sandwich”

Damn!!! That cover is sweeeeet! Can’t wait to get my copy.

Marc Maron finally posts the first part of Louis CK interview on the wonderful WTF podcast.

old photo of Maron, Louis, Atell, & Silverman

Last evening the wife and I were sitting around after dinner. I got out my pipe and a snifter of Natural Light. We sorted through the TV and tried to watch a movie. We couldn’t find any good movies and I’m not gonna shell out 4.99 to watch Death Wish II so we ended up just flipping around Televisionland.

 On channel 463 there is a woman filled with self doubt. See is nervously chattering while making muffins and absolutely destroying a entire fake kitchen. There are several jump cuts… fire, screaming and general mayhem and then one final jump cut which appears to be years later on a completely different set. The muffins are finally done and they turn out really super delicious. The camera zooms in tight on our baker/hostesses face as she is laughing and crying with joy while eating what appears to be the best muffin ever! and we zoom in further so that we see all of her doubt and all of her fear but we also see her radiant smile and her massive love and we think to ourselves “God dammit! Those muffins look delicious.”

After several messy attempts on my part to make muffins with whiskey and grass. I see that SEX ROBOT is on! We tune in and it destroys our sense of reality…. this can’t be real. Its way too fucking good… seriously! Watch Sex Robot on the Discovery Healthchannel. And yes, perhaps I was a bit loaded on Whiskey Grass Muffins but I pulled some muscles in my ribcage from laughing so hard.

Hey my friend and photographer . Give him a follow. He is a sensitive man with a big heart. A man at odds about trivial things so he doesn’t have to face the BIG FEAR! His artifice is brutal and his peach cobbler is to die for. He’s one of the very best human beings I know.

My uncle Randy used to run a baby fighting ring out in the suburbs. Actually he still does, only now he calls it  “The Toddler Challenge!”

he fell down in a war
and he just kept falling
uncertainty
like a wound that opened up in is head

Sometimes he dresses the babies up like famous people. I guess Sarah Palin vs. Barack Obama is always a real crowd pleaser.

“Of course the babies aren’t real,” he sobs
“Nothing is. But when the crowd is going
and all the chaos of that intermingled
 money and blood…
makes me feel safe ya know,
feels like a kind of home.”

(via alohafriday)

TGIF Bitches…

This is my double rainbow - The dark wood paneling - sooo intense

You’ve probably seen that Arthur Penn, the director of Bonnie & Clyde, passed away this week. Bonnie & Clyde was a damn good movie but I’ve always known him as the director of one of the best movies ever, Little Big Man. 1970 - Dustin Hoffman - If you haven’t seen it…

                      The oranges froze on their branches
                            the dead dogs danced through my dreams

                         I awoke to find you alive and chanting

                                    a hummingbird asleep in the breeze

fuck yeah buddy
I taught the devil how to eat ham

I made love to Venus
as she held one of them voice box modulators
onto my heart

and let me tell ya
when rock hard desire explodes into pure emotion?
that’s how great rock bands are formed

and kids, last week, your uncle Frank met a girl
who was… well lets just say
she was 3 1/2 rock bands and
a case of delightful breakfast snacks


a bright eyed giggler
who spanked the sun with rowing oars

or as the say in XIEXIEZHU, China

she was 6’3 and 400 pounds
and that was just her teeeeeeeeth

well dontcha know, that little pepperpuss spun Franks sprinklers
till he didn’t understand time no more
he kept showing up in the middle of historic battles
and celebratory mall openings
with long cuts in his liver

wounds that spoke of delicate mysteries
mysteries so nuanced that they
couldn’t be handled by our hot little minds

so Frank spent most weekends out in the driveway
crying some form of darkness

we knew that the marriage was doomed but we put on our smiles
and our best spantanklers
and wished em the best

those crazy fucking kids
they always
follow the sunset into the sea