Hookers or Cake

I find the old picture

like a forgotten candy bar tucked away in ones boot

only to be remembered in the middle of a munchie fueled, drug

crazed search



It is in quiet moments like this that I meditate on thee

You break out and are upon me

like the warm shhuddering piss of a walrus at a breakfast buffet

I find myself helpless

and in awe of your immense power and grace



The Greek Chorus may taunt me

singing (to the tune of Camptown Ladies) “Johnny Cash didn’t have

a mustache - doo-da - doo-da”

but I simply smile to myself, because I know the truth…



Just because you don’t see a mustache doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

TGIF Bitches…

(Source: )

And the king bestowed upon me

a set of magical wrenches

encrusted with priceless jewels

but they were metric

and therefore fucking worthless

::::

40 dinosaurs having sex

Diplodocus got it going on y’all

I saw your god shaking on the ground,

a teenage boy, high school football player.

He’d had his bell rung and I was helping the trainer get him back to the locker room. We were walking slowly along the unlit gravel access road between the football field and the woods.

The kid was crying out in some language I’d never heard before. (Was it Latin?)

Finally he turned to Terry, the trainer and said “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the wedding…  it was the weather. I couldn’t see!” Terry grabbed the boy by the jersey and screamed at him. “Fuck you Dad! I hate you!” and he dropped him and stormed off. I was helping the kid back up when suddenly he sprinted off in the opposite direction towards the woods. So I gave chase, the kid was hurt and obviously he didn’t know where or who he was. About 15 yards into the woods I couldn’t see a damn thing, it was pitch black. I stopped to listen. I couldn’t hear anything but my own breathe and the faint sounds of the football stadium. I knelt down peering ahead trying to let my eyes adjust to the darkness. I saw a dim glowing blueish light off in the distance. It seemed to be moving. Then I also thought I heard some tinkling bells. I walked towards the light. But whenever I began to move the light would stop and then I would stop and then then the light would move again. Finally with the hair standing up on the back of my neck I inhaled deeply and just ran as fast as I could towards it. The last thing I remember was falling and falling into the light and seeing a face.

A face that I recognized but couldn’t place.

The mustache that can spoke of

    is not the eternal mustache

The understanding that can be understood

    is not wisdom


For the mustache is the beginning of heaven and earth

    it is the mother of all things


Mustachioed one can see the entire mystery

Mustacheless one only sees the manifestation


These two ways of being are identical

       they only differ in name


The mustache exists

     only when it does not

This is the gateway to all mystery.


     - Mustache Te Ching

Guess who’s doing an illustration for the new book?

DAN METH !!!  

Please give the man a follow. He’s not only a great illustrator and animator but he’s also wonderfully funny and insane.

Ohh and maybe pledge a couple of bucks for the book (if you can spare it) its not like you won’t get a really sweet ass book or four out of the deal.

The research continues…

On The Bro’d

Wonder Tonic is rewriting On The Road in bro speak. Its insane. I read a little each night before my prayers. You should his progress, if for nothing more than to goad him into rewriting the whole damn thing. (not a short book)

Love is both complex and simple.