Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • September 26, 2010 1:39 am
            fuck yeah buddyI taught the devil how to eat hamI made love to Venusas she held one of them voice box modulatorsonto my heartand let me tell yawhen rock hard desire explodes into pure emotion?that’s how great rock bands are formedand kids, last week, your uncle Frank met a girlwho was… well lets just sayshe was 3 1/2 rock bands anda case of delightful breakfast snacksa bright eyed gigglerwho spanked the sun with rowing oarsor as the say in XIEXIEZHU, Chinashe was 6’3 and 400 poundsand that was just her teeeeeeeethwell dontcha know, that little pepperpuss spun Franks sprinklerstill he didn’t understand time no morehe kept showing up in the middle of historic battlesand celebratory mall openingswith long cuts in his liverwounds that spoke of delicate mysteriesmysteries so nuanced that theycouldn’t be handled by our hot little mindsso Frank spent most weekends out in the drivewaycrying some form of darknesswe knew that the marriage was doomed but we put on our smilesand our best spantanklersand wished em the bestthose crazy fucking kidsthey alwaysfollow the sunset into the sea

            fuck yeah buddy
            I taught the devil how to eat ham

            I made love to Venus
            as she held one of them voice box modulators
            onto my heart

            and let me tell ya
            when rock hard desire explodes into pure emotion?
            that’s how great rock bands are formed

            and kids, last week, your uncle Frank met a girl
            who was… well lets just say
            she was 3 1/2 rock bands and
            a case of delightful breakfast snacks


            a bright eyed giggler
            who spanked the sun with rowing oars

            or as the say in XIEXIEZHU, China

            she was 6’3 and 400 pounds
            and that was just her teeeeeeeeth

            well dontcha know, that little pepperpuss spun Franks sprinklers
            till he didn’t understand time no more
            he kept showing up in the middle of historic battles
            and celebratory mall openings
            with long cuts in his liver

            wounds that spoke of delicate mysteries
            mysteries so nuanced that they
            couldn’t be handled by our hot little minds

            so Frank spent most weekends out in the driveway
            crying some form of darkness

            we knew that the marriage was doomed but we put on our smiles
            and our best spantanklers
            and wished em the best

            those crazy fucking kids
            they always
            follow the sunset into the sea

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