Hookers or Cake

It all started out innocently enough, I was watching my neighbor watch TV.  I became so engrossed in the program that I stood there intently watching for maybe ten minutes before I realized what I was doing and turned on my own TV. The program was phenomenal, it was a documentary called Sex Robot. A week later I was bored and flipping through channels when I remembered my neighbor. Maybe they were watching another interesting program. Eureka! A new show called Monkey Tits was premiering on TNT. It was a police show about a gorilla police detective and his sexy, super smart partner. After that, whenever I wanted to watch a new program I just grabbed my binoculars and checked what my neighbor was watching.

But then they installed a window shade. And darkness fell upon me.

So I’ve decided to start stalking them in hopes of getting to know them socially. Maybe I can get them to start a blog about TV!

So remember, if a stranger approaches you in a bar and wants to speak to you about television, don’t be frightened. Its just me. I want to sing a song to you from my heart and its about our mutual love, TV.

Last evening the wife and I were sitting around after dinner. I got out my pipe and a snifter of Natural Light. We sorted through the TV and tried to watch a movie. We couldn’t find any good movies and I’m not gonna shell out 4.99 to watch Death Wish II so we ended up just flipping around Televisionland.

 On channel 463 there is a woman filled with self doubt. See is nervously chattering while making muffins and absolutely destroying a entire fake kitchen. There are several jump cuts… fire, screaming and general mayhem and then one final jump cut which appears to be years later on a completely different set. The muffins are finally done and they turn out really super delicious. The camera zooms in tight on our baker/hostesses face as she is laughing and crying with joy while eating what appears to be the best muffin ever! and we zoom in further so that we see all of her doubt and all of her fear but we also see her radiant smile and her massive love and we think to ourselves “God dammit! Those muffins look delicious.”

After several messy attempts on my part to make muffins with whiskey and grass. I see that SEX ROBOT is on! We tune in and it destroys our sense of reality…. this can’t be real. Its way too fucking good… seriously! Watch Sex Robot on the Discovery Healthchannel. And yes, perhaps I was a bit loaded on Whiskey Grass Muffins but I pulled some muscles in my ribcage from laughing so hard.