Hookers or Cake

 I got so intimate with myself last night, that I no longer exist.

- The Buddha

 Hey!  I just translated the entire HOLY BIBLE into emoticon  =S 

- Charles Bukowski 

“The terrible depths were a better choice than my back up plan. My back up plan was to get really fat so my titties would get wonderfully huge and then I’d shave em and like touch em and stuff.”

- Soren Kierkegaard (Cuz I know how all the hotties luvs a sullen Dane) from the NY Times bestseller “The Sickness unto Death”

That I spent the last hour creating this, makes my heart soar like a hawk.

In our house the night before Christmas was always terrifying. Each year instead of leaving cookies out for Santa, we left out a tube of vaseline and a half bottle of gin. I never slept a wink.

- Pat Boone’s, “Christmas Cums Early, July Extravaganza”

School was starting next week and I needed that KISS Gene Simmons notebook. But my mom wouldn’t buy it for me. She told me KISS worshiped Satan. Like most 7 year olds I was unsure what a Satanist was, I just thought KISS looked cool as hell.

The problem now was all my friends were getting KISS posters, t-shirts and I had nothing. I’d even outgrown my Spiderman shoes. I was pretty bummed. I remember going over to my Grandma’s house and my uncle Marty had a ton of KISS stuff. I’d never heard their music, so he played me some… I was baffled. They looked like demons but they sounded just like everyone else. They were just a boy band dressed up like monsters. I lost all interest. 

I wonder if right now there’s a 7 yr old girl having the same experience with Lady Gaga?

“Whenever I get the urge to write about someone or something that I feel is senseless, I think… ‘Any moron can be a critic. I should use this energy to make my point of view as refreshing as possible.’ Don’t add to the mountain of obvious, boring noise. CREATE SOMETHING INTERESTING AND UNUSUAL or SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

- Mark Twain

He was the guy who taught, not only should every child be offered simple ways to kill themselves but they should be constantly urged to do so. The idea was the world could then get on destroying itself without any tedious lament from artistic types.

- My dead Grandfather quoting Jesus Christ; on Donald Trump

“I hate this fucking place and I hate these stupid fucking people! I hate all of you! Ya hear me! Y’all suck!” - Jesus Christ 

Most Atheists and Christians miss the entire point altogether. I’ve been a Christian an Atheist and several other flavors of belief so I can appreciate all the ways and plays of us humans trying to wrap our widdle heads around the roaring torrent of life.  It aint easy. We try and make things work but it always gets fucked up by some fuckhead. And as we mature we may begin to realize, the fuckhead is us. This is where Christianity is supposed to come in.

“For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” IE. We’re all fuck ups. Passive-obsessive-compulsive-aggressive-nut-jobs.  So Christ wanders in and says “I know yer a fucking cunt… but I love you ya big ol worthless fuck.”  Again I’m paraphrasing but thats the gist. To be a Christian you have to accept Christ into your heart. This does not mean you have to sign some legal document that verifies you believe God impregnated a young Jewish Virgin (God is a pedophile?) and then that girl had a son who was half man and half God and that son let himself be tortured and killed so that if you sign onto his softball team when you die you get to hang out at his Dads totally awesome cabin for like ever!!! No. Thats how you teach a 3 year old or a barbaric civilization how to shit in one place and eat in anther…

I’m  just talking about accepting Christ into your heart = letting yourself be loved.  Let love in. And no I’m not talking dirty hippy BS or grab ass in the backseat (though thats all groovy) I’m talking about being big enough to admit you’re wrong and you don’t know everything and you’re a fuck up and accepting an invitation to a larger situation. Larger than yourself or anyone else. The situation is Love.  And it comes in a suprising myriad of forms.