Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • August 29, 2012 2:08 am
            In the beginning there was only a robot that liked to tell dirty jokes. The problem was that it would laugh so hard at it own jokes it would jangle and jingle until it was nothing but a pile of black iron scrap surrounding a blood red heart. As the pieces and parts seemed to twitter and sing and tear and feed upon the heart they became like a flock of little birds that flew in a million directions away. The scientists call this the big bang gang bang.Of course the birds were in turn devoured by this wild crazy infinite bitch that is reality its very self and what grew out of this communion was humanity, the tree of life. The scientists go on to say that this magnificent tree grows and flows all about, bearing much fruit. Fruit for dirty jokes telling robots, no doubt.

            In the beginning there was only a robot that liked to tell dirty jokes. The problem was that it would laugh so hard at it own jokes it would jangle and jingle until it was nothing but a pile of black iron scrap surrounding a blood red heart. As the pieces and parts seemed to twitter and sing and tear and feed upon the heart they became like a flock of little birds that flew in a million directions away.
            The scientists call this the big bang gang bang.
            Of course the birds were in turn devoured by this wild crazy infinite bitch that is reality its very self and what grew out of this communion was humanity, the tree of life. The scientists go on to say that this magnificent tree grows and flows all about, bearing much fruit. Fruit for dirty jokes telling robots, no doubt.

          • March 14, 2012 10:55 pm
            [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.] 680 plays

            Tom Waits read one of my poems last night at the open mic down at the bowling alley.

            (Source: hookersorcake)

          • December 31, 2011 11:03 pm
            Blah Blah Blah Happy New Year Blah Blah Blah!!! from Hookers or Cake and poorly photoshopped Tom Waits!

            Blah Blah Blah Happy New Year Blah Blah Blah!!! from Hookers or Cake and poorly photoshopped Tom Waits!

          • June 25, 2011 1:19 am
            Are you pretending to love? I hear that it pays well. - Tom Waits

            Are you pretending to love? I hear that it pays well. - Tom Waits

          • March 25, 2011 11:33 pm
            [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.] 680 plays

            Tom Waits read one of my poems last night at the open mic down at the bowling alley.

          • October 25, 2010 9:11 am
            So that’s Cassandra Peterson, AKA Elvira Mistress of the Dark, on the cover of the Tom Waits 1976 album Small Change. She didn’t start the Elvira bit until 1981. Before that she left her home town (which now is at the bottom of a lake?) at the age of 17 to become a showgirl in Vegas. It was there that she lost her virginity to Tom Jones and dated Elvis. Elvis suggested she get the hell outta sin city. So she moved to Italy, became fluent in Italian and was the lead singer for a rock band. In Italy she also met Fredrico Fellini and he cast her in the movie Roma with a bit role (you know what that means =)) after that she moved back to the states and became a successful DJ in LA and member of the famous improv troupe the Groundlings along with Phil Hartman, Pee Wee Herman, and Jon Lovitz.

            So that’s Cassandra Peterson, AKA Elvira Mistress of the Dark, on the cover of the Tom Waits 1976 album Small Change.

            She didn’t start the Elvira bit until 1981.

            Before that she left her home town (which now is at the bottom of a lake?) at the age of 17 to become a showgirl in Vegas. It was there that she lost her virginity to Tom Jones and dated Elvis. Elvis suggested she get the hell outta sin city. So she moved to Italy, became fluent in Italian and was the lead singer for a rock band. In Italy she also met Fredrico Fellini and he cast her in the movie Roma with a bit role (you know what that means =)) after that she moved back to the states and became a successful DJ in LA and member of the famous improv troupe the Groundlings along with Phil Hartman, Pee Wee Herman, and Jon Lovitz.


          • February 23, 2010 8:21 pm
             (via threshold) I remember the first time we did mushrooms. It was band practice and we just closed our eyes and jammed for like 2 hours. It probably sounded fucking horrible, but it felt like… well you either know or you don’t. Lets just say that I forgave the Grateful Dead for a lot of their transgressions afterwords. Someone finally opened their eyes at one point and looked around and noticed that one of our band mates, Jesse was missing. How long has he been gone? No one knew. We finally found him out in the back yard holding on tightly to a huge old evergreen tree. “Whats up buddy?” “I dunno. I think I just rode this tree to the moon.” those were good shrooms. OH and on a mushroom related side note. I had an old roomate who’s girlfriend used to babysit for Tom Waits. She said Ol Tom had like 5 lbs of shrooms in his freezer. Now doesn’t that just warm your heart?!

            (via )

            I remember the first time we did mushrooms. It was band practice and we just closed our eyes and jammed for like 2 hours. It probably sounded fucking horrible, but it felt like… well you either know or you don’t. Lets just say that I forgave the Grateful Dead for a lot of their transgressions afterwords.

            Someone finally opened their eyes at one point and looked around and noticed that one of our band mates, Jesse was missing. How long has he been gone? No one knew. We finally found him out in the back yard holding on tightly to a huge old evergreen tree.

            “Whats up buddy?”

            “I dunno. I think I just rode this tree to the moon.”

            those were good shrooms.

            OH and on a mushroom related side note. I had an old roomate who’s girlfriend used to babysit for Tom Waits. She said Ol Tom had like 5 lbs of shrooms in his freezer.

            Now doesn’t that just warm your heart?!