Hookers or Cake

I was 5 years old when Elvis died. I didn’t know who he was. They called him THE KING! He looked like some exotic fat sweating Hindu love God to me. Today is the 35th anniversary of his death. May his soul sing for all eternity baby!

Last night I was visited by 3 Elvis’s

The young, crazy vibrant Elvis

The fat, drugged old Elvis

and the massive dead Elvis

They told me to change my ways baby

that I was losing hydrogen and helium at my core

while expanding in mass.

Then they asked if I was going to eat that. They were pointing at my kitchen wall. I said no and stepped aside.

With a high leg kick and pelvic thrust young Elvis tore the wall from its studs, his manhood making love to it in several different ways and yet somehow all at once.

Fat Elvis snorted up the dust and sang a jaunty ramblin’ tune all while cooking the larger remnants of the wall into a red hot cosmic frittata.

Dead Elvis held the entire scene in his infinite mouth. His massive mutton chops closing in upon it from time to time, obliterating all light and sound. Then the giant Tibetan horns sounded and the mutton chops lifted and the whole cycle began again.  This repeated itself throughout the commercial break during the age of Kali Yuga and then we went for for some ice cream.

This story and drawing are from the book only $8.95 on Amazon, baby!

(Source: hookersorcake)

The recognition of ones own mortality, can really poop on the ol giggle parade.

Last night I was visited by 3 Elvis’s

The young, crazy vibrant Elvis

The fat, drugged old Elvis

and the massive dead Elvis

They told me to change my ways baby

that I was losing hydrogen and helium at my core

while expanding in mass.

and then they asked if I was going to eat that

They were pointing at my kitchen wall.

I said no and stepped aside.

With a high leg kick and a pelvic thrust young Elvis tore the wall from its studs, his manhood making love to it in several different ways and yet somehow all at once.

Fat Elvis snorted up the dust and sang a jaunty ramblin’ tune all while cooking the larger remnants of the wall into a red hot cosmic frittata.

Dead Elvis held the entire scene in his infinite mouth. His massive mutton chops closing in upon it from time to time, obliterating all light and sound. Then the giant horns sound and the mutton chops lift and the whole cycle begins again.  This repeated itself all throughout the commercial break during the age of Kali Yuga and then we went for for some ice cream, baby.

The bright recognition of ones own mortality, poops on the ol giggle parade.

Last night I was visited by 3 Elvis’s

The young, crazy vibrant Elvis

The fat, drugged old Elvis

and the massive dead Elvis

They told me to change my ways baby

that I was losing hydrogen and helium at my core

while expanding in mass.

then they asked me if I was going to eat that

they were pointing at a bare wall

I said no and stepped aside.

They tore the drywall from the studs and young Elvis thrust his manhood upon it making love to it in several different ways and yet somehow all at once.

Fat Elvis crushed up the parts young Elvis was done with. He snorted up the dust but the larger parts he cooked into a cosmic frittata using a red hot skillet.

Dead Elvis just held the whole scene in its infinite mouth - his massive mutton chops would close in upon it obliterating all light and sound. Then the giant horns would sound and the mutton chops lift and the whole cycle would begin again.  This repeated itself all through the commercial break during the age of Kali Yuga and then we went for ice cream.

So that’s Cassandra Peterson, AKA Elvira Mistress of the Dark, on the cover of the Tom Waits 1976 album Small Change.

She didn’t start the Elvira bit until 1981.

Before that she left her home town (which now is at the bottom of a lake?) at the age of 17 to become a showgirl in Vegas. It was there that she lost her virginity to Tom Jones and dated Elvis. Elvis suggested she get the hell outta sin city. So she moved to Italy, became fluent in Italian and was the lead singer for a rock band. In Italy she also met Fredrico Fellini and he cast her in the movie Roma with a bit role (you know what that means =)) after that she moved back to the states and became a successful DJ in LA and member of the famous improv troupe the Groundlings along with Phil Hartman, Pee Wee Herman, and Jon Lovitz.