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I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • May 15, 2011 1:57 am
            The Old Testament God lying in the dark with limp dick in hand. What does he masturbate to? When he closes his eyes do the dancing incarnate visions slowly lose all form and become amorphous jiggling blobs of pure creative matter? Does he find his mind wandering out into boundless space? So if God is omnipotent, then he is quite obviously fucking himself. And thats soo gay, dude. For God there is no other, so he’s gettin blown, but he’s also doing the blowing! The greedy little Jew… I guess I worry about God. I worry that he’s not having a good time. I worry that he’s not ‘getting it’ every which way he can. That life is a little bit of a bummer for him. Maybe I’ll get him a subscription to Juggs magazine and bring over some brownies.

            The Old Testament God lying in the dark with limp dick in hand.

            What does he masturbate to?

            When he closes his eyes do the dancing incarnate visions slowly lose all form and become amorphous jiggling blobs of pure creative matter? Does he find his mind wandering out into boundless space?

            So if God is omnipotent, then he is quite obviously fucking himself. And thats soo gay, dude. For God there is no other, so he’s gettin blown, but he’s also doing the blowing! The greedy little Jew…

            I guess I worry about God. I worry that he’s not having a good time. I worry that he’s not ‘getting it’ every which way he can. That life is a little bit of a bummer for him. Maybe I’ll get him a subscription to Juggs magazine and bring over some brownies.

            31 notes Filed under:  Sunday, communion, religion, silly stories,.
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