Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • October 17, 2009 12:14 am
            You try to give George a fun loving peck but she gathers you up like a little rag-doll and sticks her tongue halfway down you throat. You can feel her lipstick & whiskers. You smell & taste the grape bubblicious & gin. One of Georges giant hands starts to writhe its way into the crack of your ass when you hear, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!” its Raoul, you are simultaneously relieved and terrified. George squeals, “Oh Baby, we was jus playing.” “Shut up bitch!” Raoul backhands George, she yips and cries, prancing her way back into the apartment, like some awkward pony in heels. Raoul picks up the 8-ball off the floor, “If you wanna trick for blow that can be arranged”, Raoul sneers. You open your mouth and Raoul hits you with a quick left jab. He follows with a short right hook that you feel in your liver. You immediately drop to your hands and knees. Raoul lowers his face to yours, “If I see you or your friend again your dead.” He turns and slams the door behind him. Well… that coulda of gone better, you think. Better hall ass before Raoul thinks twice about it and comes back out.Do you go to Linda’s and look for FrankorPerhaps its time to get out of town. You’ve got a connection in Vegas…

            You try to give George a fun loving peck but she gathers you up like a little rag-doll and sticks her tongue halfway down you throat. You can feel her lipstick & whiskers. You smell & taste the grape bubblicious & gin. One of Georges giant hands starts to writhe its way into the crack of your ass when you hear, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!” its Raoul, you are simultaneously relieved and terrified.

            George squeals, “Oh Baby, we was jus playing.”

            “Shut up bitch!” Raoul backhands George, she yips and cries, prancing her way back into the apartment, like some awkward pony in heels.

            Raoul picks up the 8-ball off the floor, “If you wanna trick for blow that can be arranged”, Raoul sneers. You open your mouth and Raoul hits you with a quick left jab. He follows with a short right hook that you feel in your liver. You immediately drop to your hands and knees. Raoul lowers his face to yours, “If I see you or your friend again your dead.” He turns and slams the door behind him.

            Well… that coulda of gone better, you think. Better hall ass before Raoul thinks twice about it and comes back out.

            Do you go to

            or

            Perhaps its time to get out of town. You’ve got a …

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