Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          tell me lies! Submit stuff
          • October 16, 2009 12:00 am
            Linda is happy to see you. She looks terrible, all strung out and pale. Strange, but now that you start looking around you notice that not only is Linda and her clothes pale but so is the entire house. Everything from the carpet, to the paint, to all the furniture. Linda watches you, nodding her head. “Yes, I know. Franks mustache soaked up all the color.” she states flatly. “What did you say Linda?! What the hell are you talking about?!” “I know it must sound crazy,” Linda cries, “but remember how Frank grew that big ol’ beard after the band broke up? Well, he thought it would be funny to shave it all off, then leave the mustache. It was pretty funny, But then strange things started happening. Frank said that his mustache had opened a doorway into another dimension. I thought he was just joking, you know how odd his sense of humor is sometimes. So little by little weird things started to happen. First all the plants died. Then Frank covered all the mirrors up… something about the reflection not being the TRUE us… then all the color began to disappear… Then Frank started leaving and staying gone for days at a time and then when he’d show back up he’d be insane and crying. He’d pull all the wall paper down and eat it. He’d just run around crying and then he’d just disappear - gone poof! vanished into thin air.” You stand up and excuse yourself to the bathroom. You look at the covered up mirror and your head starts to spin. You think Linda is crazy and you decide to leave. or Your not sure what Linda is talking about but she needs your help.

            Linda is happy to see you. She looks terrible, all strung out and pale. Strange, but now that you start looking around you notice that not only is Linda and her clothes pale but so is the entire house. Everything from the carpet, to the paint, to all the furniture. Linda watches you, nodding her head.

            “Yes, I know. Franks mustache soaked up all the color.” she states flatly.

            “What did you say Linda?! What the hell are you talking about?!”

            “I know it must sound crazy,” Linda cries, “but remember how Frank grew that big ol’ beard after the band broke up? Well, he thought it would be funny to shave it all off, then leave the mustache. It was pretty funny, But then strange things started happening. Frank said that his mustache had opened a doorway into another dimension. I thought he was just joking, you know how odd his sense of humor is sometimes. So little by little weird things started to happen. First all the plants died. Then Frank covered all the mirrors up… something about the reflection not being the TRUE us… then all the color began to disappear… Then Frank started leaving and staying gone for days at a time and then when he’d show back up he’d be insane and crying. He’d pull all the wall paper down and eat it. He’d just run around crying and then he’d just disappear - gone poof! vanished into thin air.”

            You stand up and excuse yourself to the bathroom. You look at the covered up mirror and your head starts to spin.


            You think Linda is crazy and

            or

            Your not sure what Linda is talking about

            1. hookersorcake posted this