Hey lets play Match Game.
Juggalette Julie left her _______ at home?
I'm too wacky to be hip.
Mr. King was here
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- Illustration
- My Videos
- The best of Hookers or Cake ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name
- Inspiration
------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.
----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.
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“The Bible tells us to be like God, and then on page after page it describes God as a mass murderer. This may be the single most important key to the political behavior of Western Civilization.” - RAW
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Dear aliens,
Reason #714 not to destroy the human race.
This guy.
65 notes Filed under: drugs, inspiration,. -
May 1, 2010 12:08 pm
I pine for a simpler time.
A time when a man could spend all afternoon in a tree, perfecting his Chewbacca roar, and not get arrested.
- Henry David Thoreau
119 notes Filed under: bestofHoC, hookers, star wars, wtf, misquotes,. -
:(via )
TGIF Bitches…
42 notes Filed under: tgif,. -
Alone
my heart shall wander
inconsolable
thru the streets of Tijuana
devastated.
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The locals will call out to me
“Hey stoner dude!”
but I will not hear them.
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For tonight there is an empty time slot on TLC
a void that sings of sadness and mystery
and of all the loss you will witness
and of all the internet porn you will see
I kneel & pray to Saint Rowdy Roddy Piper
that these ‘fake hookers’ shall never get to thee.
48 notes Filed under: shitty poetry, 76543210, bestofHoC, prose,. -
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Just trying out a Norman Rockwell thing…
an outtake, from the photo-shoot, for the cover of my forthcoming book
courtesy of Mr. King
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Does anyone remember the episode of LOST where Mr. T goes to the fridge only to discover that sharks had eaten the last of the cherry pie?
35 notes Filed under: Sharks, Mr. T, LOST,. -
My Dad had a tool chest full of elaborate metal devices. He used them to fix dishwashers, furnaces, and refrigerators out in the murky tropics of the suburbs. One time on a job he was in split level ranch, on the lower level, fixing a furnace. The homeowners Chihuahua was quite insistent in its belief that my father had no rightly business in the home and proceeded to give my Dad holy hell. Dad tried to nicely shoe it away with a pipe wrench and ‘accidentally’ caught the poor pup right between the eyes with said wrench, killing it instantly. Luckily the dog was small enough to fit into the bottom of Dad’s tool chest.
Whenever Dad would tell this story he would be laughing so hard he could hardly finish. Sometimes I would have to finish for him. “Boy I betcha they still wonder whatever happened to that dog.” Dad would be laughing so hard he could hardly breathe.
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TGIF Bitches…
20 notes Filed under: tgif,.
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