Writing tips from a shitty writer.
NON WRITING PROMPTS - Please stop writing about…
Crumbling love affairs between 20 yr old morons.
Haikus: You’re not fooling anyone with your “retranslation” of Buson and Issa
Your boring lonely life: Jazz it up Fuckface, we know you’re alone. You’re writing on the internet. We’re alone too and reading prose on the internet, duh.
Your ex: Again stop! (I’m totally getting why they left.)
Writing tips: Unless you make a GOOD living off your writing you’re just being an asshole. (dammit)
Eroticism: If not aroused, sex can just be kinda awkward and a bit gross. Erotic prose is often kinda awkward and wildly hilarious. And like sex, if you gotta ask if its good, it isn’t.
Love - Truly I mean it, stop.
How awesome and beautiful and wonderful the women, men, children, animals, life, trees, flowers, nature, outer space, god, snacks, drugs…. My dear, we hold these truths to be self evident. Its cute when a two yr old has chocolate for the first time, but its kinda sad and creepy when a 30 something year old won’t shut up about how much they love, love. We get it. You’re high or having a manic episode…
or worse is that you’re a manipulative creep who writes nothing but fake love letters. As in; My Dear, You are the beautiful answer to my eternal question. Love Tyler - translation
Dear fish in bucket,
BANG!
Love, Tyler
Its where the writer discovers that a certain demographic finds them attractive and then caters everything they write to them. Its almost as bad as the half naked person posting pics and droning on about how bored, happy, sad, mad, awesome they are. News Flash! You’re a desperately gorgeous idiot/shallow ass clown who needs attention. I was happy. I was sad. We went out for tacos. Yum! You don’t get hundreds of notes for your startling dissertation. You get it because you’re cute.
Really most of this stuff just falls under journaling. And I guess I’m tired of reading peoples journals. Not because I’m disinterested in them but moreso this style of writing is boring, painfully cringeworthy, and has zero perspective. As humans we have a remarkable capacity for self deception. We are always the last ones to see the obvious, that we suck. =) So its like watching a bad sit-com where the main character continually embarrasses themselves with petty childish lies. Only no ones laughing, least of all the author and thats painful. So don’t write publicly about yourself, project your shallow lies upon your family and friends or fake robot gods like I do. Make them wildly flawed assholes and you may in time grow to love them.
If you do insist on journaling (it can be wonderfully helpful and revealing) they make wonderful .89 cent notebooks for just such investigations. I suggest that you fill up at least a dozen and after a couple of years drag em all out and sit down with a bottle of wine in front of a roaring fire. Then you can read all about yourself to yourself and have a good laugh/cry while you throw the pages into the fire. Its freeing and in the end you might gain some perspective. Perspective that may be useful for writing about fake robot gods you love.
