Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • March 26, 2011 11:03 pm
            “There is no judgement, only the song of a child.” - Ronald Reagan These were the last words of Ronald Reagan, who was a notorious 20th century, American prick. Don’t let the media fool you. That guy sucked. He was a dumb actor who lucked into the right business deal.  I fasted with my good Christian mother on the day of the election 1984 to help Reagan win the presidency of the United States of America. It worked too, he & Bush fucking crushed Mondale and Ferraro. I was 12 at the time. I remember going to bed that evening and I was so hungry I would’ve eaten a live poisonous snake.  Then I hit my head before I reached the bed and my brain was afire with dreams I was in a clearing helping a wounded animal when I shuddered with love and flew into its mouth - I moved as the animal did and the air was actually a solid landscape of immersed color. The trees and vegetation sighed a beautiful pink swirling love - the rapsody of that song I’ve never heard sung before or there everafter. And I grew so found of the blue breathe of my death that I saw clearly for the first time what reality truly was…  I awoke the next day and immediately became a preacher. Sure it only lasted about 6 hours but my ministry was glorious. I learned that if enough people believe something to be true… then it is. I also learned that each single human being exerts enough energy in its lifetime to power the whole of New York City for about 23 minutes, but thats another story entirely. So I set about on my plan for saving humanity’s soul through the purity of Christ’s blood… later that evening, I and humanity had the mutual good fortune of another discovery. The discovery of masturbation and that was that.  The song of the child was over and a new one had just begun. Amen.

            “There is no judgement, only the song of a child.” - Ronald Reagan

            These were the last words of Ronald Reagan, who was a notorious 20th century, American prick. Don’t let the media fool you. That guy sucked. He was a dumb actor who lucked into the right business deal.

             I fasted with my good Christian mother on the day of the election 1984 to help Reagan win the presidency of the United States of America. It worked too, he & Bush fucking crushed Mondale and Ferraro. I was 12 at the time. I remember going to bed that evening and I was so hungry I would’ve eaten a live poisonous snake. 

            Then I hit my head

            before I reached the bed

            and my brain was afire with dreams

            I was in a clearing helping a wounded animal when I shuddered with love and flew into its mouth - I moved as the animal did and the air was actually a solid landscape of immersed color. The trees and vegetation sighed a beautiful pink swirling love - the rapsody of that song I’ve never heard sung before or there everafter. And I grew so found of the blue breathe of my death that I saw clearly for the first time what reality truly was…

             I awoke the next day and immediately became a preacher. Sure it only lasted about 6 hours but my ministry was glorious. I learned that if enough people believe something to be true… then it is. I also learned that each single human being exerts enough energy in its lifetime to power the whole of New York City for about 23 minutes, but thats another story entirely.

            So I set about on my plan for saving humanity’s soul through the purity of Christ’s blood… later that evening, I and humanity had the mutual good fortune of another discovery. The discovery of masturbation and that was that. 

            The song of the child was over and a new one had just begun.

            Amen.