Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.


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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.


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          • September 7, 2011 12:40 am

            You never hear much about Dr. Suess’s sequel to How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It was called Death in Whoreville.

            Ya see, after the Grinch found Christ he stopped spending all his money nailing all the whores in Whoreville. So the towns dire economic conditions threw everything into a choatic hell where starving crazed whores ate and killed one another other until there was only one giant, insane, cannibal whore left. The GiantInsaneCrazedWhore then sucked the life out of the entire area to the degree that a permanent dead zone was born. The Gods then took pity on the earth and filled the GICW buttocks with helium (so the GICW could not stay in any one place too long) and the GICW wandered 5 star hotels and lived off of bottle service and racing horse semen.

            Can you give this Giant, Insane, Cannibal Whore a name?

          • August 20, 2011 2:45 am

            Might I be the first to offer the Queen of America, Kim Kardasian congratulations on her marriage.  U R sooo awesome! =)

          • July 26, 2011 12:19 am

            Hey Guys can we get serious here for a minute. I know its cliche and you’re probably tired of hiring about this subject, but its important to all of us and to this great country we live in.

            So here’s the deal people. Celebrities; they don’t get enough attention, they don’t get enough praise, they don’t get enough admiration. I know you’re thinking “Hey internet guy, I want to be a celebrity. I think it’d be awesome.” Yeah I know, but did you ever stop and think of just what the celebrity goes through? Somewhere right now, while you’re just fiddlin around on the internet, Ryan the movie star guy is getting his teeth capped, Britney is getting her asshole bleached (for the 14th time) and that silly model chick is being interviewed on German TV. (Have you ever been interviewed on German TV? Have you? Trust me its no fun.)

            Now I want you to think about something else. What do you suppose Kim Kardasian would do for a living if she wasn’t famous or didn’t come from money? Do you think she has discernible skills of any sort? I mean other than holding still whilst being painted. Do you think she could survive 10 minutes in the real world, with the skill set of an inanimate object?

            These emotional stunted, talentless, vain whores need our help. If they are to develop any sort of character or humanity they need our vitriol, they need our hate and sneering jokes. Duality and strife are the only way a depth of being is developed, man cannot live on bottle service alone. If celebrities get everything they want they will devolve into 2 year olds and everyone knows 2 year olds are complete assholes.

            So next time you see Sean Penn and think Wow! What an awesome guy. He cares about Haiti and he’s balls deep in a starlet, and on his 2cnd 8-ball of the evening. I want you to realize that poor little Sean Penn will never know the true bliss of being a nobody. He and those like him need our support and prayers. Its not easy getting everything you want all of the time. Sooner or later you’ll run out of drug habits and things to want and then you’ll be in big trouble, just ask that one zen guy, you know the famous one, with the book?