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I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • March 28, 2010 12:02 pm
            Walter Cronkite upon receiving the Global Governance Award at the UN in 1999. “So I go to this big mega church every Sunday. I stay up drinking all Saturday night, which ensures that I’ll have a really super kick ass fun time. One particular Sunday I walk into the bathroom after the service and there are like 5 guys standing at 6 urinals. So I immediately walk into a stall, because I have a shy bladder. And I know all these guys at the urinals are all making fun of me - high fiving, six gun shooting and tip toe dancing… cuz I can’t PEE with the big boys right?! So I’m feeling stupid but then I come up with this great idea right on the spot. I pretend to snort drugs while I’m in the stall! And suddenly its dead silent, cuz now I’m the cool one right?! And they are all just a bunch of squares.”

            Walter Cronkite upon receiving the Global Governance Award at the UN in 1999.

            “So I go to this big mega church every Sunday. I stay up drinking all Saturday night, which ensures that I’ll have a really super kick ass fun time.

            One particular Sunday I walk into the bathroom after the service and there are like 5 guys standing at 6 urinals. So I immediately walk into a stall, because I have a shy bladder. And I know all these guys at the urinals are all making fun of me - high fiving, six gun shooting and tip toe dancing… cuz I can’t PEE with the big boys right?! So I’m feeling stupid but then I come up with this great idea right on the spot. I pretend to snort drugs while I’m in the stall! And suddenly its dead silent, cuz now I’m the cool one right?! And they are all just a bunch of squares.”

            46 notes Filed under:  Misquotes, bestofHoC, silly stories, prose,.
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            7. said: I once snorted angel dust offa Unkie Walter’s cookie duster. Then I scissor-kicked eric sevareid and took all his Mentos. Cronkite just sat in the corner poking his belly button and making boop-boop sounds.
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