In Volga, South Dakota they have one of the most awful sporting events in human history. Its called The Running of the Kittens.
Its terrible. You have to run down mainstreet while they turn loose about ten thousand little kittens and they’re all mewing and crying. The trick is you have to keep running because you are also being shot at by gunmen. So you’re running for your life and there get to be so many kittens that you start stepping on them and they’re crippled, smashed, or worse - you skid out on one and land on a bunch of others and hurt them real bad. Then you sit there surrounded by thousands of mewing and broken helpless little creatures and you are overcome with sadness and grief and you yell at the gunmen to just fucking kill you and now they won’t and then all the crying overwhelms you again and you start stomping the hurt kittens to at least put them out of their misery. You begin sobbing and smashing and you turn into this raging, smashing, crying monster that destroys the entire town. So then you wander off to the lake to drown yourself but you will no longer die, so you just live in the woods and kill hapless teens in their cars because the fall TV shows, like really suck.
Yeah, I got 2cnd place in that thing like three times… never won it all though.