Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • January 4, 2012 10:03 pm
            Pro Writing Tip #532: Ditch the metaphor. If you have to compare whatever it is that you’re writing about to something more grand, then you’re probably writing boring sentimental tripe. Compare the following two sentences. He crossed the road like a stubborn old war horse, his rage and pride pulling him along in spite of his wounds. He crossed the road like a stupid fucking old man crossing a road. Sentence number two, right? Its so much better! Its like a dumb stoner trying to write something funny, but he can’t figure it out so he just ends it.

            Pro Writing Tip #532: Ditch the metaphor. If you have to compare whatever it is that you’re writing about to something more grand, then you’re probably writing boring sentimental tripe.

            Compare the following two sentences.

            • He crossed the road like a stubborn old war horse, his rage and pride pulling him along in spite of his wounds.
            • He crossed the road like a stupid fucking old man crossing a road.

            Sentence number two, right? Its so much better! Its like a dumb stoner trying to write something funny, but he can’t figure it out so he just ends it.

            115 notes Filed under:  prose, writing tips, simile?, metaphor?,.
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