I’ve decided to quit frittering around and to make some tall cash. That’s right, I’m going to write a young adult fantasy novel. I’ve never read a young adult novel unless Catcher in the Rye counts, so I could use some help and constructive criticism. Here’s the basic story I just thought up.
The main character is girl named Isabella, but everyone calls her Izzy. She’s so startling beautiful its almost painful, in fact the one time she dressed up for her fathers 3rd wedding she almost killed several men. They all writhed about on the ground overcome by her devastating beauty realizing that were silly flaccid men who’d wasted their lives. The National Guard had to be called in. Luckily for the world Izzy actually prefers dressing like a hobo and no one seems to notice except the cadre of insanely hot monster demons/male models who fight and vie for her undying love for it is the one pure thing left in a world full of bullshit. Izzy’s one physical flaw is that she has very large breasts that defy gravity and are always getting in the way. Her only real friend is a ghost dragon named Nathaniel. He’s not a very imposing dragon and is more like a painfully shy large dog. Nathaniel’s father was a famous knight whose expectations Nathaniel could never fulfill. One day an evil wizard turned Nathaniel into a dragon And thusly Nathaniel was killed by his own father because he couldn’t bring himself to kill his own dad, even though he easily could have. Dying didn’t bother Nathaniel that much anyway because was dying of a broken heart. The girl he loved had been married off to an powerful prince. The girl of was of course Izzy but neither she nor Nathanial realize this until much later.
The plot thickens when Izzy realizes that all the monster demons fighting for her love, but that she has to destroy to save the town, are unknowingly being unleashed from their tomb by her stupid parents. Actually her dad and his 3rd wife (a stupid shrill bitch who was a senior in high school when Izzy was just a freshman) Izzy’s real mother died giving birth to her. So, not only are Izzy’s parents way too busy to go to her tuba recital and art show but come to find out they are involved with developing an ancient and sacred forrest into condominiums. The forest was left to the family by Izzy’s grandfather. The one true and good human Izzy ever knew. On his deathbed her grandfather told her the forest was her birthright and once she turned 18 she was to go there and claim its power and secret. So now Izzy and Nathaniel must save the forest and fight off all the demon monsters and find out the powerful secret.
SPOILERS!!! The secret is of course is that Izzy mother is buried in the forest. But when they find her crypt (after fighting off all the monster demons) they find nothing but a crystal dragon skull. Izzy’s mother was a dragon. Izzy touches the skull and turns into a Dragon. Her and Nathaniel embrace (insert 23 pages of crazy hot dragon sex here) and their embrace becomes the new sun that devours our pitiful solar system and gives birth to a new system of planets and hopefully an endless line of new books and movies!
Well, whattya think?