Hookers or Cake

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I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • November 7, 2011 1:03 am
            M*A*S*H* was a pretty crazy TV show if you think about it. It was a sit-com that took place in a emergency hospital in the middle of a war zone. That would be like if Seinfeld was the same kinda show it always was, only chock full of rape and murder. Jerry: He cut off her face and had it sent to the cleaners. George: (stopping) He cut her face off? And had it sent to the cleaners? Jerry: (also stopping - now facing George) Yes, he cut off her face! George: (gesturing wildly) And had it sent to the cleaners?! Jerry: I know! George: Which cleaners? (laughter) Jerry: (without missing a beat) Garspagio’s on 5th George: WHAA?! (hushed an worried) Garspagio’s is my mothers dry cleaner! Jerry: My mothers too. Why do you think I’m so upset? Kramer slides into the scene with a hotdog shoved in his mouth and one in each hand. He takes the hotdog out of his mouth, almost dropping it several times. (The audience fucking pisses itself with laughter) Kramer: Hey you guys know that dry cleaners on 5th? They’re giving away free hotdogs. (big laugh) Jerry, I saw your mother there. (bigger laugh) She touched me. (biggest laugh)

            M*A*S*H* was a pretty crazy TV show if you think about it. It was a sit-com that took place in a emergency hospital in the middle of a war zone. That would be like if Seinfeld was the same kinda show it always was, only chock full of rape and murder.

            Jerry: He cut off her face and had it sent to the cleaners.

            George: (stopping) He cut her face off? And had it sent to the cleaners?

            Jerry: (also stopping - now facing George) Yes, he cut off her face!

            George: (gesturing wildly) And had it sent to the cleaners?!

            Jerry: I know!

            George: Which cleaners? (laughter)

            Jerry: (without missing a beat) Garspagio’s on 5th

            George: WHAA?! (hushed an worried) Garspagio’s is my mothers dry cleaner!

            Jerry: My mothers too. Why do you think I’m so upset?

            Kramer slides into the scene with a hotdog shoved in his mouth and one in each hand. He takes the hotdog out of his mouth, almost dropping it several times.

            (The audience fucking pisses itself with laughter)

            Kramer: Hey you guys know that dry cleaners on 5th? They’re giving away free hotdogs. (big laugh) Jerry, I saw your mother there. (bigger laugh) She touched me. (biggest laugh)

            53 notes Filed under:  television is funny, MASH, Seinfeld, bestofHoC,.
          by Peter Vidani. For .
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