Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • July 19, 2010 10:29 pm
            I was a time traveler who went into the future on a mission to save the world. Only problem was I got lost and wound up drunk at a sports bar.  From what I can recall sport bars are actually kinda cool in the year 2040. Picture robots beating the shit out of business men while children and cute little animals cheer them on. Anywho I got real drunk on 2 for 1 long island iced teas and needless to say I didn’t exactly accomplish my mission. So it looks like the world is gonna end. But on the bright side I did get kinda lucky in that the hot, redheaded, bartender Linda took me home. Unluckily though now is Linda is preggers and keeping the baby. I tried to explain it to her. The time travel thing and my paycheck being so small due to 30 years of inflation ect. but she wasn’t having any of it. So I just hopped back into my time machine, went back to my present day home and pretended that I’d accomplished my mission.  And everything was going real swell until I got so drunk at the company picnic that I told my boss the whole story. He just sat there silent, looking at me really funny. It wasn’t until then that I realized his little 2 year old girl is a redhead… named Linda. Luckily the world ended or that coulda gotten real awkward.

            I was a time traveler who went into the future on a mission to save the world. Only problem was I got lost and wound up drunk at a sports bar.  From what I can recall sport bars are actually kinda cool in the year 2040. Picture robots beating the shit out of business men while children and cute little animals cheer them on.

            Anywho I got real drunk on 2 for 1 long island iced teas and needless to say I didn’t exactly accomplish my mission. So it looks like the world is gonna end. But on the bright side I did get kinda lucky in that the hot, redheaded, bartender Linda took me home. Unluckily though now is Linda is preggers and keeping the baby. I tried to explain it to her. The time travel thing and my paycheck being so small due to 30 years of inflation ect. but she wasn’t having any of it. So I just hopped back into my time machine, went back to my present day home and pretended that I’d accomplished my mission.

             And everything was going real swell until I got so drunk at the company picnic that I told my boss the whole story. He just sat there silent, looking at me really funny. It wasn’t until then that I realized his little 2 year old girl is a redhead… named Linda.

            Luckily the world ended or that coulda gotten real awkward.

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