Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • July 17, 2011 1:26 am
            The New Age shop down the way started selling sex toys. It was only a matter of time once they started selling tantric yoga sex books. Its a slippery slope. I’d wandered in to see if they had any Wilhelm Riech books for my dominatrix, Marie, and I discovered they had a whole ‘sexuality’ section. I was pleasantly surprised to see a couple of ‘spiritual fisting’ books and what could be best described as a gigantic dildo section. “Come on! I’m a middle aged white guy in a new age gift shop, I obviously have inadequacy issues, now you gotta wave giant cocks in my face?” While a lesbian couple snickered at my obvious discomfort I spied the best thing I had ever seen. Dildo Ouroboros: A motorized sex toy that fuck’s itself. The box was emblazoned with slogans: A real conversation piece (if you can keep it out of your mouth!) You can fuck it - it can fuck you - or it can fuck itself! For the hard to please narcissist. Buy several and make a chain of ‘fucking machines’ to bind your hands and feet as you drown in a endless sea of desperation! Wow, I betcha my lawyer would enjoy one of these. Hell, I might as well get one for my guru too.

            The New Age shop down the way started selling sex toys. It was only a matter of time once they started selling tantric yoga sex books. Its a slippery slope.

            I’d wandered in to see if they had any Wilhelm Riech books for my dominatrix, Marie, and I discovered they had a whole ‘sexuality’ section. I was pleasantly surprised to see a couple of ‘spiritual fisting’ books and what could be best described as a gigantic dildo section.

            “Come on! I’m a middle aged white guy in a new age gift shop, I obviously have inadequacy issues, now you gotta wave giant cocks in my face?”

            While a lesbian couple snickered at my obvious discomfort I spied the best thing I had ever seen. Dildo Ouroboros: A motorized sex toy that fuck’s itself. The box was emblazoned with slogans:

            • A real conversation piece (if you can keep it out of your mouth!)
            • You can fuck it - it can fuck you - or it can fuck itself!
            • For the hard to please narcissist.
            • Buy several and make a chain of ‘fucking machines’ to bind your hands and feet as you drown in a endless sea of desperation!

            Wow, I betcha my lawyer would enjoy one of these. Hell, I might as well get one for my guru too.

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