Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • July 4, 2010 11:50 am
            Me and God were roomies back when he was working on his big book. God was kind of a dick. You know the type of guy that orders pizza and pays for it when the girls are over, but then makes you pay him back in cash the next day. That and he always wanted feedback on his stupid book.  I kept trying to tell him that it was too long and boring. Also you couldn’t always be killing everyone and then have the ‘good guys’ impregnating their own daughters, it’s gross. He wouldn’t listen. I did help him with the ending a touch. He originally had a giant ape winning 6 - 2. But I pointed out that not only did it not make any sense, but people generally don’t have much empathy for giant flesh eating apes. No one is gonna git all hot bothered about salvation only to be dominated for eternity by some Bigfoot rip-off. You gotta trick em. Tell em their boss will be some laid back hippie who always has weed. Tell em they’ll have gold mansions and virgins and that the Flaming Lips do 3 shows a day. Tell em everything is free and they’ll live forever. I mean people got no imagination, so just let em imagine endless wealth. Ohhh and have the whole book end as a fever dream so folks don’t take it to literal…

            Me and God were roomies back when he was working on his big book. God was kind of a dick. You know the type of guy that orders pizza and pays for it when the girls are over, but then makes you pay him back in cash the next day. That and he always wanted feedback on his stupid book.

             I kept trying to tell him that it was too long and boring. Also you couldn’t always be killing everyone and then have the ‘good guys’ impregnating their own daughters, it’s gross. He wouldn’t listen. I did help him with the ending a touch. He originally had a giant ape winning 6 - 2. But I pointed out that not only did it not make any sense, but people generally don’t have much empathy for giant flesh eating apes. No one is gonna git all hot bothered about salvation only to be dominated for eternity by some Bigfoot rip-off. You gotta trick em. Tell em their boss will be some laid back hippie who always has weed. Tell em they’ll have gold mansions and virgins and that the Flaming Lips do 3 shows a day. Tell em everything is free and they’ll live forever. I mean people got no imagination, so just let em imagine endless wealth.

            Ohhh and have the whole book end as a fever dream so folks don’t take it to literal…

            1. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            2. said: I dunno. I live for giant flesh eating apes.
            3. hookersorcake posted this