Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • July 14, 2011 9:54 pm
            Holiday Inn I was pretty tipsy when I sauntered down to the vending machines to get more ice but I coulda swore I saw Jeff Goldblum playing Galaga in the arcade room. After another drink and 5 minutes of psyching myself up in the bathroom mirror I snuck back down to get more ice. Yes! It was him and he was still playing Galaga. His back was to me, tall and slinky, waggling his head from side to side while hissing stacatto curses as he blasted aliens. “Oh you back for more?!” he yelled. My knee’s buckled thinking he was talking to me, but it was just the game. BaBaBaBaBAM! Bitch!” he growled. I felt flustered and light headed. I turned around and decided to wait just around the corner and then when I’d hear him finish I would casually stroll to the ice machine and act surprised. “Oh excuse me… Jeff Goldblum! Wow! You’re so tall and gorgeous in real life… Oh you’re too kind. I’m not as pretty as her, but thats flattering… Why yes, just down the hall in 806. I’ve only a bottle of Jameson but I’d be delighted.” I must have waited 20 minutes and I would still be there waiting, but the things he said to that machine, and the way he said them. I still get weak and short of breathe when I think of it. Finally I could take no more and sprinted back to my room and lost myself in wave after wave of ridiculous pleasure. The last thing I remember were the walls melting in a furious array of color as I passed out screaming. I awoke 5 minutes later, someone was insistently knocking on the door. It was a young man, a hotel employee. “Are you okay Ma’am? someone phoned that there was screaming…” “Oh I’m fine darling I was just watching a scary movie and I got carried away,” I smiled. That seemed to satisfy him and I watched him walk down the hall. As soon as he turned the corner I raced back down to the video game room, but Jeff was gone. There was an acrid smell of burning electronics and I saw that the Galaga machine was no longer working. I touched the buttons and recoiled quickly, they were red hot. I then reached out, slowly, with trembling hands for the joystick, it was still moist and thats when I really lost all control.

            Holiday Inn

            I was pretty tipsy when I sauntered down to the vending machines to get more ice but I coulda swore I saw Jeff Goldblum playing Galaga in the arcade room. After another drink and 5 minutes of psyching myself up in the bathroom mirror I snuck back down to get more ice. Yes! It was him and he was still playing Galaga. His back was to me, tall and slinky, waggling his head from side to side while hissing stacatto curses as he blasted aliens.

            “Oh you back for more?!” he yelled. My knee’s buckled thinking he was talking to me, but it was just the game.

            BaBaBaBaBAM! Bitch!” he growled. I felt flustered and light headed.

            I turned around and decided to wait just around the corner and then when I’d hear him finish I would casually stroll to the ice machine and act surprised.

            “Oh excuse me… Jeff Goldblum! Wow! You’re so tall and gorgeous in real life… Oh you’re too kind. I’m not as pretty as her, but thats flattering… Why yes, just down the hall in 806. I’ve only a bottle of Jameson but I’d be delighted.”

            I must have waited 20 minutes and I would still be there waiting, but the things he said to that machine, and the way he said them. I still get weak and short of breathe when I think of it. Finally I could take no more and sprinted back to my room and lost myself in wave after wave of ridiculous pleasure. The last thing I remember were the walls melting in a furious array of color as I passed out screaming. I awoke 5 minutes later, someone was insistently knocking on the door. It was a young man, a hotel employee.

            “Are you okay Ma’am? someone phoned that there was screaming…”

            “Oh I’m fine darling I was just watching a scary movie and I got carried away,” I smiled.

            That seemed to satisfy him and I watched him walk down the hall. As soon as he turned the corner I raced back down to the video game room, but Jeff was gone. There was an acrid smell of burning electronics and I saw that the Galaga machine was no longer working. I touched the buttons and recoiled quickly, they were red hot. I then reached out, slowly, with trembling hands for the joystick, it was still moist and thats when I really lost all control.

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            2. thedailydoodles said: No one can tell me that is not Jeff Goldblum. —DMC
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