Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.


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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.


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          • May 23, 2011 9:53 am

            The Beach Boys (featuring Mike Love & John Stamos) played after the Florida Marlins baseball game this past Saturday night. “Those are not the real Beach Boys,” I explained to a small red headed child in KISS make-up.

            Small Child: Are they robots?

            Me: (drunk and 39) No. They are a hologram of our suffering.

            Small Child: Like fake ghosts?

            Me: (excited) YES YES! Fake Ghosts that haunt state fairs and mall openings…

            Small Child: They’re not very scary.

            Me: I know, its a shame isn’t it.

            I then lit a cigarette and was repeatedly tasered and pummeled by security forces. Kokomo was playing. And just before I lost consciousness I swore I saw Brian Wilson’s smiling face in the sky, giving me a big thumbs up.

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              The Beach Boys (featuring Mike Love & John Stamos) played after the Florida Marlins baseball game this past Saturday...
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