Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          tell me lies! Submit stuff
          • May 2, 2011 11:40 pm
            I’ve got it! I’ll just write a book about how unlovable and fucked up I am. How I was only healed upon a chance encounter with real pain and loss and then realized I was just being a dumb, tedious, self involved moron. That would probably sell. We all like reading about ourselves, right? Of course I’d build up the reader first by writing ”Yes! You’re a fucking stupid loser! So get over it. Get over yourself. You’re a dumb flawed animal that only sees a painfully small slice of reality. You are fucked. Nothing will ever be enough. Your heart is pinned nude like a shivering moment in a display case. You’re stuck, transfixed in time, seduced by an emotion, an idea. You think something should be a certain way and its not. BOO FUCKING HOO! We all lose evertyhing here. And no one gets out of here alive so you may want to find the guts to be honest and real for just one moment. Be alive with no apologies or excuses or self help books.” God that would sell, right? I mean if I sexed it up and learned how to write? I mean if I wasn’t such a fucking loser? If I wasn’t such a stupid head, monkey ass…” (voice trails off as author wanders down the hallway) The key is convincing the reader that there is no answer and then selling them an answer. Even if the answer is, there is no answer - sell that fucker! rinse and repeat - get a sexy soundtrack and pretty people! Sell! Sell! Jade Bos author of Shit, Fuck, Sing… (your dumb magic heart can’t do anything) ?

            I’ve got it! I’ll just write a book about how unlovable and fucked up I am. How I was only healed upon a chance encounter with real pain and loss and then realized I was just being a dumb, tedious, self involved moron.

            That would probably sell. We all like reading about ourselves, right?

            Of course I’d build up the reader first by writing ”Yes! You’re a fucking stupid loser! So get over it. Get over yourself. You’re a dumb flawed animal that only sees a painfully small slice of reality. You are fucked. Nothing will ever be enough.

            Your heart is pinned nude like a shivering moment in a display case. You’re stuck, transfixed in time, seduced by an emotion, an idea. You think something should be a certain way and its not.

            BOO FUCKING HOO!

            We all lose evertyhing here. And no one gets out of here alive so you may want to find the guts to be honest and real for just one moment. Be alive with no apologies or excuses or self help books.”

            God that would sell, right? I mean if I sexed it up and learned how to write? I mean if I wasn’t such a fucking loser? If I wasn’t such a stupid head, monkey ass…” (voice trails off as author wanders down the hallway)

            The key is convincing the reader that there is no answer and then selling them an answer. Even if the answer is, there is no answer - sell that fucker! rinse and repeat - get a sexy soundtrack and pretty people! Sell! Sell!

            Jade Bos author of Shit, Fuck, Sing… (your dumb magic heart can’t do anything)

            ?

            1. answered: I hope Palahniuk isn’t on Tumblr because Go Fuck Yourself For Dummies might inspire him
            2. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            3. answered: sounds like a gold mine!!!!
            4. reblogged this from hookersorcake and added:
            5. said: I’m tempted to post “your dumb magic heart can’t do anything,” attribute it to Vonnegut or somebody, and watch the notes ROLL IN.
            6. answered: <3
            7. answered: And The Heart Says you’ve got yourself a book deal
            8. answered: It can’t not be a coloring book. Can’t not.
            9. answered: I want in on it. I have practical experience to offer, and a very selfish need to rid myself the burden. AND, it will sell like hot cakes!
            10. answered: Sounds like the kind of book I’d leave out and forget about when company came over. They’d look at me, and slowly shake their heads in shame.
            11. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            12. hookersorcake posted this