Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

--------------------------------

    • Illustration
    • My Videos
    • The best of Hookers or Cake
    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

      -----------------------------------

      Amazon.com Widgets

      -------------------------------------- more fun categories

      --------------------------------------

      • Inspiration
      • art
      • ----------------------------------------- some tumblr friends

        -----------------------------------------

        • Rrrick
        • Fuzzy Dave
        • Wonder Tonic
        • ----------------------------------------- some writing

          -----------------------------------------

          • Josh Luft
          • I'm a Veronica
        • Mr. King was here
          • Aloha Friday
          ----------------------------------------
          tell me lies! Submit stuff
          • March 21, 2010 10:33 pm
            I was being stalked by Carol Channing. She showed up at my office, my wedding, and even the muffler shop… “Darling!!! You must come to the desert. We need you for the rocket launch!” She had strong magic and began to alter my day to day waking reality. Everyone was turning into Carol Chaning  - My wife, my cat, Jesus, my proctologist! Inanimate objects like the toilet would even start singing “Hello Dolly” while I was trying to take a dump. And she was vulgar too, begging me to… well I’ll spare you the grisly details. It got real bad. Finally my mailman Raoul, told me that his uncle had a similar problem with Charro. He stated that once his uncle bought a black dog that it stopped. With nothing to lose I immediately went to the pound. I came back an hour later with a 3 lb chihuahua named “Mr Giggles”. I haven’t seen Carol or heard a showtune since. But the funny thing is now, I kinda miss her.

            I was being stalked by Carol Channing. She showed up at my office, my wedding, and even the muffler shop…

            “Darling!!! You must come to the desert. We need you for the rocket launch!”

            She had strong magic and began to alter my day to day waking reality. Everyone was turning into Carol Chaning  - My wife, my cat, Jesus, my proctologist! Inanimate objects like the toilet would even start singing “Hello Dolly” while I was trying to take a dump.

            And she was vulgar too, begging me to… well I’ll spare you the grisly details. It got real bad.

            Finally my mailman Raoul, told me that his uncle had a similar problem with Charro. He stated that once his uncle bought a black dog that it stopped. With nothing to lose I immediately went to the pound. I came back an hour later with a 3 lb chihuahua named “Mr Giggles”. I haven’t seen Carol or heard a showtune since.

            But the funny thing is now, I kinda miss her.

            1. reblogged this from
            2. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            3. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            4. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            5. said: At least you got Carol Channing - Burt Convey stalks me and he gives inappropriate hugs.
            6. hookersorcake posted this