Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • March 20, 2010 12:23 am
            I peed my pants at the 5 & dime. I was buying a set of plastic vampire teeth and the line was too long. So I came up with a brilliant idea. I just popped in the vampire teeth and anyone who looked my way… SHOWTIME! They got the screeching vampire act and hopefully they didn’t notice the pee pants. Cartoon Mobster A: “Hey Joe, did that 7yr old vampire just piss himself?”Cartoon Mobster B: “I dunno Boss, I wuz too scared ta notice.” Later on I used this trick (pulling focus) in my sales routine at the used car lot. Say for instance, I did something embarrassing, like leave my zipper down or forget the customers wifes name… I’d just shoot myself in the head. Worked like a charm. I tell ya, I sold a lot of Subaru’s in my day.

            I peed my pants at the 5 & dime. I was buying a set of plastic vampire teeth and the line was too long. So I came up with a brilliant idea. I just popped in the vampire teeth and anyone who looked my way… SHOWTIME! They got the screeching vampire act and hopefully they didn’t notice the pee pants.

            Cartoon Mobster A: “Hey Joe, did that 7yr old vampire just piss himself?”
            Cartoon Mobster B: “I dunno Boss, I wuz too scared ta notice.”

            Later on I used this trick (pulling focus) in my sales routine at the used car lot. Say for instance, I did something embarrassing, like leave my zipper down or forget the customers wifes name… I’d just shoot myself in the head. Worked like a charm. I tell ya, I sold a lot of Subaru’s in my day.

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