Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • March 4, 2010 10:31 am
             gravyholocaust:soylentjames:(via 5minutesbeforethecrash) I would’ve loved to have sat in on this board meeting. John Cusack character… “General, no one is going to use a snow globe in a terrorist attack… they don’t even have… there’s no snow there… its absurd!” Mean mustachioed general, played by Sam Elliot, motions towards a dork in white lab coat by door. Dork opens door. Michael Clarke Duncan and Betty White walk through the door. Michael Clarke Duncan takes off his shirt and is twitching his massive muscles. The old white men in the room are visibly nervous. John Cusack shakes his head and lets out a cute John Cusack sigh. Michael Clarke Duncan cracks his knuckles and lets out a horrific yell as he bum rushes Betty White. Betty White produces a Empire State building snow globe from her over-sized purse. She holds it in front of her just a Michael Clarke Duncan reaches her at a full sprint. (Slo-motion shot) Michael Clarke Duncan’s bald, glistening head is shown in close up it just barely touches the snow globe. The snow globe ruptures and the liquid inside splashes all over Michael Clarke Duncan’s head. Michael Clarke Duncan screams in pain as he falls to his knees with his face melting. A middled aged somewhat unattractive secretary passes out. John Cusack stands up. “This is preposterous!” “I’ve seen enough!” interrupts the president, played by James Brolin, “Harry call TSA immediately!” John Cusack collapses in his chair with his face in his hands. Peeking through his fingers he looks at Michael Clarke Duncan, who is now a shriveled up skeleton. Betty White is heard, off camera saying “Oh Dear!” John Cusack then looks into the camera and makes cute John Cusack face and shrugs. end scene

            ::(via 5minutesbeforethecrash)

            I would’ve loved to have sat in on this board meeting.

            John Cusack character… “General, no one is going to use a snow globe in a terrorist attack… they don’t even have… there’s no snow there… its absurd!”

            Mean mustachioed general, played by Sam Elliot, motions towards a dork in white lab coat by door. Dork opens door. Michael Clarke Duncan and Betty White walk through the door. Michael Clarke Duncan takes off his shirt and is twitching his massive muscles. The old white men in the room are visibly nervous. John Cusack shakes his head and lets out a cute John Cusack sigh.

            Michael Clarke Duncan cracks his knuckles and lets out a horrific yell as he bum rushes Betty White. Betty White produces a Empire State building snow globe from her over-sized purse. She holds it in front of her just a Michael Clarke Duncan reaches her at a full sprint.

            (Slo-motion shot) Michael Clarke Duncan’s bald, glistening head is shown in close up it just barely touches the snow globe. The snow globe ruptures and the liquid inside splashes all over Michael Clarke Duncan’s head. Michael Clarke Duncan screams in pain as he falls to his knees with his face melting.

            A middled aged somewhat unattractive secretary passes out.

            John Cusack stands up. “This is preposterous!”

            “I’ve seen enough!” interrupts the president, played by James Brolin, “Harry call TSA immediately!”

            John Cusack collapses in his chair with his face in his hands. Peeking through his fingers he looks at Michael Clarke Duncan, who is now a shriveled up skeleton.

            Betty White is heard, off camera saying “Oh Dear!”

            John Cusack then looks into the camera and makes cute John Cusack face and shrugs.

            end scene

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