Sorry I haven’t been posting much. I’ve been busy hand crafting a new artisan beer called, “There’s a Tear in my Beer!” Its actually brewed out of the tears of starving children. And it’ll be bacon infused (duh!) using a special bacon that’s cured and smoked right in the slaughterhouse. Mmmmm…. you can actually taste the smoked squealing suffering inside of the regular suffering.
The entire process has been quite daunting though, tears of starving children are actually quite difficult to harvest. Not that there aren’t millions of dying children in surprisingly good local organic supply, but they’re usually so dehydrated that you have to rehydrate them to get a proper tear flow going. And to ensure our organic status the water has to be shipped in from Europe, as the water for miles around is toxic.
Its slow going but incredibly rewarding to crack open an ice cold one while celebrating the birth of your new tattoo or body mod. Also goes extremely well with live blogging that new TV show. Bonus! A portion of the proceeds go to “Hair For All” a charity that designs and builds mustaches and beards for the facially hair challenged. So drink up in good conscious knowing that all that suffering isn’t just going to waste. Six packs available at Whole Foods for just 18.99! And seasonal brews are on the way!
