A story inspired by greed, love, redemption, transformation, and a lewd picture I found on the internet.
The dildo tree was a kind of mutant tree that grew large banana shaped fruit that was hard as a coconut and it just so happened to grow in front of Karl’s Uncle’s convenience store. Over the years The dildo tree became a little bit of a tourist attraction and one day it was featured in the TLC reality show Midget Clown Whores of Atlanta and then it really took off. People came from as far away as Japan just to have their picture taken in front of the tree and too buy a t-shirt or perhaps a even a real piece of the rock hard dildo fruit.
The owner of the Dildo Tree Gift shop, Karl Hendrix, had been a lot of things in life, but he never imagined that he’d take over the shop after his Uncle passed. In fact Karl, being a man of God, would’ve walked away from the shop tomorrow if he didn’t need the money. And Karl desperately needed the money. The story of his life. After the war Karl had become such a hopeless drug addict that he was a hired thug and even became an underground knife fighter. He’d maimed several men and probably even killed a few, all because he needed money for his drug habit. And when Karl found God and became born again, he became a preacher and discovered that he needed to hustle even harder than when he’d been an addict, just to keep the church running. Now it was his wife Beverly who needed the money, she was deathly ill and the treatments were expensive.
Karl had actually almost closed the store a few times though because he worried that The Dildo Tree shop was an affront to God and maybe God wouldn’t heal Beverly because of this particular transgression. Bev always laughed when Karl told her that. She always told him the same thing, “The Lord works in mysterious ways, my dear. God don’t punish people for love.”
“Open the Dom! On my way home!” was all Lydia Wesson’s text to her husband said. Lydia was a scientist who’d been working for a large charity foundation in the effort to discover a cure for a deadly disease. Her husband Cliff, smiled as he pulled out the 12 yr old bottle of Dom Perignon his wife had put in the fridge the night before. She wanted to perform a second and third test to make sure that the cure was real. Maybe drinking ridiculously expensive champagne would now become a normal thing in their life, along with the articles and personal appearances… Cliff shook his head embarrassed, how could he even think of their life when the cure would literally save the life of thousands. It had been years of hard work. The foundation would be thrilled. Finally a cure! But the foundation was not thrilled and the champagne went flat.
The foundation had raised over a billion dollars that year alone, a new record in their “Search for the Cure! ®” The powers that be were not about to let some idealistic scientist destroy that massive torrent of revenue with a simple antidote. Lydia was being followed home from the lab and would be intercepted and taken care of. The foundation would survive and the money would continue to flow.
Luckily for Lydia and all of humanity, she stopped at a store on the way home. The store was next to the local odd giftshop/tourist trap, The Dildo Tree. Old Karl was out in front of the store having a smoke when Lydia was jumped by four hired thugs. At first Karl didn’t know what to do, but his eyes landed on the fruit of the dildo tree and his old knife fighting skills took over.
Four men where fucked to death that day and Lydia’s life along with thousands of others were saved, including Karl’s wife Beverly who was sick with the same disease that Lydia had found a cure for. Proving of course that the Dildo tree was more than just a crude joke and that perhaps God does work in mysterious ways.
