Writing tips from a shitty writer.
So lets try something new. I see people writing about topical things and just chatting away online, spinning yarns and prattling on about their day. I understand it. We all like to vent and we’re probably all criminally insane loners… so yeah, venting is probably a splendid thing and if you tell a bunch of people how you feel, now we can commiserate and not feel the endless void sucking at our soul, even better. I get it. But hey, do me a big favor? Next time you get the urge to write a nice straight story for ventings sake, just play with the story a little bit, just for me or maybe just because you’re tired of being boring. Try it out. People will appreciate it. Just pretend that you’re trying to woo the reader. Tell em a bunch of insane lies and exaggerations about how awesome you are.
So lets say you work at a coffee shop or some shitty cubicle or whatever, just radically flip the importance of whatever it is you do and change the setting. I was carving a giant demon panther out of a mountain. See, this is huge, awesome, and has a clearly defined goal, completely unlike anything in your life except for ‘all you can eat’ shrimp night down at the Sizzler.
Now immediately involve the reader in the endless conflict that is our waking reality using your new set and setting.
My lady came riding down the mountainside in a chariot of light, with she was a maiden fair, bodacious in her season. And somewhere my unthinking eyes doth did linger, staring upon new exotic fruit. For the flesh hungers for the unknown. But oh cruel vale of tears! What is this wild thunder my lady hath reign down upon thee? Tis it the mountain itself? My demon panther vision come to finish me?
See? Its easy. We all know that you work at Starbucks and your girlfriend came in with her cute friend and she caught you sneaking a peak at her and now you’re in trouble and a loser. So if you jazz up your boring life for us we’ll all appreciate it and cheer. You get to vent and you’ll have made someone else happy in the process. We’ll all be safe from the demon panther for another day, or at least a few minutes.
