Dearest Fuckface,
Perhaps you have noticed some rough language or a coarse tone in our recent correspondence. We at Hookers or Cake would like to assure that this is not in error nor is it to offend. In fact this is just the latest step in the fight to verify personal identity.
Research has shown that robots, programs and offshore spam companies fail to comprehend sarcasm, irony and inappropriate cursing. In light of this we’re encouraging all of our clients and social contacts to partake in superfluous cussing and absurd veiled threats. This is a means to assure one another that we’re actual human beings and not just an uptight program with a abacus for a heart and a bottomless coin purse for a belly. We hope you understand our stance but welcome that you may not. We find ourselves glad, that if you are a program or shortsighted asshole that your confusion will act as an agreement of the termination of all unsightly communication or contact with us in the future.
Warmest mutha fuckin’ regards,
Jade Bos
VP Lewd Pony Press
author of
D.H.S. (Destroyer of Ham Sandwiches)