Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • January 22, 2011 1:07 pm
            Dearest Fuckface,  Perhaps you have noticed some rough language or a coarse tone in our recent correspondence. We at Hookers or Cake would like to assure that this is not in error nor is it to offend. In fact this is just the latest step in the fight to verify personal identity. Research has shown that robots, programs and offshore spam companies fail to comprehend sarcasm, irony and inappropriate cursing. In light of this we’re encouraging all of our clients and social contacts to partake in superfluous cussing and absurd veiled threats. This is a means to assure one another that we’re actual human beings and not just an uptight program with a abacus for a heart and a bottomless coin purse for a belly. We hope you understand our stance but welcome that you may not. We find ourselves glad, that if you are a program or shortsighted asshole that your confusion will act as an agreement of the termination of all unsightly communication or contact with us in the future. Warmest mutha fuckin’ regards, Jade Bos VP Lewd Pony Pressauthor of Hookers or CakeD.H.S. (Destroyer of Ham Sandwiches)

            Dearest Fuckface,

             Perhaps you have noticed some rough language or a coarse tone in our recent correspondence. We at Hookers or Cake would like to assure that this is not in error nor is it to offend. In fact this is just the latest step in the fight to verify personal identity.

            Research has shown that robots, programs and offshore spam companies fail to comprehend sarcasm, irony and inappropriate cursing. In light of this we’re encouraging all of our clients and social contacts to partake in superfluous cussing and absurd veiled threats. This is a means to assure one another that we’re actual human beings and not just an uptight program with a abacus for a heart and a bottomless coin purse for a belly. We hope you understand our stance but welcome that you may not. We find ourselves glad, that if you are a program or shortsighted asshole that your confusion will act as an agreement of the termination of all unsightly communication or contact with us in the future.

            Warmest mutha fuckin’ regards,

            Jade Bos

            VP Lewd Pony Press
            author of
            D.H.S. (Destroyer of Ham Sandwiches)

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