Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

--------------------------------

    • Illustration
    • My Videos
    • The best of Hookers or Cake
    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

      -----------------------------------

      Amazon.com Widgets

      -------------------------------------- more fun categories

      --------------------------------------

      • Inspiration
      • art
      • ----------------------------------------- some tumblr friends

        -----------------------------------------

        • Rrrick
        • Fuzzy Dave
        • Wonder Tonic
        • ----------------------------------------- some writing

          -----------------------------------------

          • Josh Luft
          • I'm a Veronica
        • Mr. King was here
          • Aloha Friday
          ----------------------------------------
          tell me lies! Submit stuff
          • July 16, 2012 1:25 am
            They said there was a house in the woods that killed people. Maybe it was just some campfire ghost story. It was on the other side of the lake where no one lived, past the dirt road. “A sad monster lives there,” said my older brother, Travis. “Why is he sad?” I asked. “Because he’s trapped in the house,” said my brother, “Maybe its cuz hes lonely, he wants friends,” I offered. “No, he’s sad because he’s a monster and all he knows how to do is kill,” said Travis. The stories about the house and monster got stranger with each passing summer. I even had dreams about it for a while. The monster was a giant sad child who wore a mask and was trapped in a maze of a house in the woods on the opposite side of the lake. The dreams terrified me, because it felt like I knew the monster, his laughter and cries felt familiar. I was seventeen and had forgotten all about it when they found Renee Jenkins mauled to death. A wild animal or something had attacked her behind the Lake Store, she was only twenty. I heard Al Wilson telling my Uncle about it, he said it was a bloody mess. It was weird because I used to really like her. She was real pretty but kind of trashy. Her mom was dirt poor and Renee had worked at the lake store since she was sixteen. I thought she would’ve jumped at the chance to be with me. My Uncle owned the mill and I drove a new Camaro. Sure I was three years younger but she didn’t have to be such a stupid bitch about it. “Beat it kid,” she’d said. I’d never felt so embarrassed in my whole life. So I felt kinda weird and sad, Renee Jenkins, what a waste. It was probably a day or two after the funeral that I was sitting on the dock fishing. I was just looking at all those trees on the opposite shore and thinking about the house. I wondered if it was even really there. I guess it was then that I got the idea that whatever killed Renee Jenkins was probably in those woods and maybe even in that house, if it existed.  It was 5:30 am and I doubled checked all my gear, I had a twelve gauge and borrowed my Uncles .357. I also had my knife and a machete just in case. I drove the old work truck to the other side of the lake to where the dirt road ended and parked. I sat there a bit as it got a little lighter out, the woods were unusually quiet, it had me a little spooked, perhaps a little liquid courage was in order. (to be continued) 

            They said there was a house in the woods that killed people. Maybe it was just some campfire ghost story. It was on the other side of the lake where no one lived, past the dirt road. “A sad monster lives there,” said my older brother, Travis. “Why is he sad?” I asked. “Because he’s trapped in the house,” said my brother, “Maybe its cuz hes lonely, he wants friends,” I offered. “No, he’s sad because he’s a monster and all he knows how to do is kill,” said Travis.

            The stories about the house and monster got stranger with each passing summer. I even had dreams about it for a while. The monster was a giant sad child who wore a mask and was trapped in a maze of a house in the woods on the opposite side of the lake. The dreams terrified me, because it felt like I knew the monster, his laughter and cries felt familiar.

            I was seventeen and had forgotten all about it when they found Renee Jenkins mauled to death. A wild animal or something had attacked her behind the Lake Store, she was only twenty. I heard Al Wilson telling my Uncle about it, he said it was a bloody mess. It was weird because I used to really like her. She was real pretty but kind of trashy. Her mom was dirt poor and Renee had worked at the lake store since she was sixteen. I thought she would’ve jumped at the chance to be with me. My Uncle owned the mill and I drove a new Camaro. Sure I was three years younger but she didn’t have to be such a stupid bitch about it. “Beat it kid,” she’d said. I’d never felt so embarrassed in my whole life. So I felt kinda weird and sad, Renee Jenkins, what a waste.

            It was probably a day or two after the funeral that I was sitting on the dock fishing. I was just looking at all those trees on the opposite shore and thinking about the house. I wondered if it was even really there. I guess it was then that I got the idea that whatever killed Renee Jenkins was probably in those woods and maybe even in that house, if it existed. 

            It was 5:30 am and I doubled checked all my gear, I had a twelve gauge and borrowed my Uncles .357. I also had my knife and a machete just in case. I drove the old work truck to the other side of the lake to where the dirt road ended and parked. I sat there a bit as it got a little lighter out, the woods were unusually quiet, it had me a little spooked, perhaps a little liquid courage was in order.

            (to be continued

            1. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            2. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            3. reblogged this from
            4. reblogged this from
            5. reblogged this from
            6. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            7. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            8. reblogged this from
            9. said: YES!!! YES!! YES!! I love this!! Can’t wait to read the rest!
            10. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            11. reblogged this from
            12. reblogged this from hookersorcake