Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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    • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • May 8, 2012 12:16 am
            I’m writing a blog about a story I’m gonna write, because studies show the internet loves meta. Anywho, I’m writing and old crime noir story about a cop that’s investigating a rash of suicides. The deceased are all middle aged to older men who have purchased cyberlife companions, you know, sex robots or cyborg wives or whatever you want to call them. Upon further investigation all the cyborg companions are highly sophisticated and modified versions that may or may not belong to the feds. I’ve been told not to talk about it as there are highly classified elements in play. Anyway, men are killing themselves and no one knew why until we began hacking into their robot companions. Its revealed a sad and twisted tale. The men were being blackmailed by the company that built the robots. The men would sign what they thought was a fixed 30 year contract and after a hefty down payment and 12 monthly payments, BAM!, their monthly payment would double. They’d all unwittingly signed contracts with an adjustable rate, so there was no legal recourse. If the owner did not pay the robot could be disposed of anyway the company saw fit as it was rightfully their property. If they didn’t pay the robot was programmed to self destruct. To make matters worse the women robots all told the men beforehand that they were killing themselves because the men obviously didn’t love them. In some cases, the grief stricken men killed themselves before the robot ever had a chance. Records showed that many of the men could barely afford the robot spouse as it was, doubling the payments had literally killed them or that’s what I was out to prove.

            I’m writing a blog about a story I’m gonna write, because studies show the internet loves meta.

            Anywho, I’m writing and old crime noir story about a cop that’s investigating a rash of suicides.

            The deceased are all middle aged to older men who have purchased cyberlife companions, you know, sex robots or cyborg wives or whatever you want to call them. Upon further investigation all the cyborg companions are highly sophisticated and modified versions that may or may not belong to the feds. I’ve been told not to talk about it as there are highly classified elements in play.

            Anyway, men are killing themselves and no one knew why until we began hacking into their robot companions. Its revealed a sad and twisted tale. The men were being blackmailed by the company that built the robots. The men would sign what they thought was a fixed 30 year contract and after a hefty down payment and 12 monthly payments, BAM!, their monthly payment would double. They’d all unwittingly signed contracts with an adjustable rate, so there was no legal recourse. If the owner did not pay the robot could be disposed of anyway the company saw fit as it was rightfully their property. If they didn’t pay the robot was programmed to self destruct. To make matters worse the women robots all told the men beforehand that they were killing themselves because the men obviously didn’t love them. In some cases, the grief stricken men killed themselves before the robot ever had a chance. Records showed that many of the men could barely afford the robot spouse as it was, doubling the payments had literally killed them or that’s what I was out to prove.

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            10. said: brilliant <3<3<3 this
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