Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • December 1, 2010 10:16 am
            So I was asked to come up with ideas for a Green Eggs and Ham script.  A man’s wife dies tragically in a car accident during a quick trip to the store while preparing a big holiday feast. The bereaved husband comes home from the hospital to an empty house and can’t bear to part with the giant ham that his wife had cooked for their dinner. The man then sits alone in his kitchen and gnaws away on the ham for several days until its rancid and then he begins to hallucinate that the rancid ham is some kinda god or something. He begins to inquire of the godhead ham the true meaning of life. IE. Why all the terrible pain and suffering strung together by unendurable stretches of pointless boredom punctuated by brief moments of happiness and love? Many of the usual romantic comedy hi-jinks ensue as the rancid ham tears apart our protagonists world view. There is also a great little montage set to popular music where the rancid ham and the man try on funny hats.I envision the whole thing done with puppets and a over the top laugh track. Think … A Love Story meets Alf meets the Bhagavad Gita meets 2001  I already have Ariel Pink signed on for the soundtrack but who should play the ham? and who plays the man?

            So I was asked to come up with ideas for a Green Eggs and Ham script.

             A man’s wife dies tragically in a car accident during a quick trip to the store while preparing a big holiday feast.

            The bereaved husband comes home from the hospital to an empty house and can’t bear to part with the giant ham that his wife had cooked for their dinner. The man then sits alone in his kitchen and gnaws away on the ham for several days until its rancid and then he begins to hallucinate that the rancid ham is some kinda god or something. He begins to inquire of the godhead ham the true meaning of life.

            IE. Why all the terrible pain and suffering strung together by unendurable stretches of pointless boredom punctuated by brief moments of happiness and love?

            Many of the usual romantic comedy hi-jinks ensue as the rancid ham tears apart our protagonists world view. There is also a great little montage set to popular music where the rancid ham and the man try on funny hats.

            I envision the whole thing done with puppets and a over the top laugh track.

            Think … A Love Story meets Alf meets the Bhagavad Gita meets 2001

             I already have Ariel Pink signed on for the soundtrack but who should play the ham? and who plays the man?

            1. answered: the ham- mickey rourke
            2. answered: I think it’s pretty clear that WIlliam Shatner should play the ham.
            3. answered: Michael Meyers as the Ham, hands down. The Man……Viggo?
            4. answered: Cast the Dalai Lama as the ham, and I would be happy to read for the part of “the man”.
            5. reblogged this from
            6. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            7. answered: A worm from “Beetlejuice” should play the ham. I don’t know about the man (is it a man?). What about the eggs? Someone’s unwanted nipples?
            8. answered: Ham: Sam Jackson & a Japanese Midget; Man: Bill Murray
            9. answered: Al Pacino should be the ham and Nic Cage should be the man. That sounds like the right amount of crazy energy.
            10. answered: the man - john cusack, duh.
            11. answered: I think Eric Bogosian or John Leguizamo need to be in here somewhere.
            12. hookersorcake posted this