When I was a small child my father told me that farting made humans run faster. So whenever I had to fart I’d run fast as I could. I never had many friends.
Of course I forgot all about this until I tried to suppress a fart at my fathers funeral.
The memory and the silliness combined with the horror of the moment overwhelmed me. I started crying, running, and farting. I sprinted circles around my family at the graveyard until I just started laughing. I finally tripped over a gravestone and flew into the air just as I let a big one rip… I never landed.
