Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • February 19, 2012 10:04 pm
            Mark turned out of the strip mall parking lot and found himself in another strip mall parking lot. He looked around for an exit and he spied one down by the Mens Warehouse but when he got there he realized that it just lead to a Taco Bell and a Radio Shack. Three hours later he needed to stop for gas. He still hadn’t found his way out the maze of parking lots. While his car filled up Mark asked the old man behind the counter where he was and the man laughed and said, “America.” Mark smiled knowingly and said, “Yeah I know buddy, but how do I get outta here?” The man pointed the way Mark had come. One hour later he pulled over and asked a young black girl in a red dress where the hell the road was, he wanted to go home. “Its right behind that Wal-mart, Darling.” Mark looked on both sides of the Wal-mart and it was shoes stores and Chinese take-out as far as the eye could see. “Well how do I get back there?” he asked. “Well Sugar, if you aint doing 85mph by the time you hit the front doors you’ll never make it.” she said. Some nights I can hear him out there, still gunning that old El Dorado. Some nights I still pretend he has the fucking guts to actually do it.

            Mark turned out of the strip mall parking lot and found himself in another strip mall parking lot. He looked around for an exit and he spied one down by the Mens Warehouse but when he got there he realized that it just lead to a Taco Bell and a Radio Shack.

            Three hours later he needed to stop for gas. He still hadn’t found his way out the maze of parking lots. While his car filled up Mark asked the old man behind the counter where he was and the man laughed and said, “America.” Mark smiled knowingly and said, “Yeah I know buddy, but how do I get outta here?” The man pointed the way Mark had come.

            One hour later he pulled over and asked a young black girl in a red dress where the hell the road was, he wanted to go home. “Its right behind that Wal-mart, Darling.” Mark looked on both sides of the Wal-mart and it was shoes stores and Chinese take-out as far as the eye could see. “Well how do I get back there?” he asked. “Well Sugar, if you aint doing 85mph by the time you hit the front doors you’ll never make it.” she said.

            Some nights I can hear him out there, still gunning that old El Dorado. Some nights I still pretend he has the fucking guts to actually do it.

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              Want some more? Hookers or cake?
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