It was shortly after the war that my dead mother began sending me ice cream.
Every afternoon at 5:30 sharp a big black limousine would pull up and the driver would get out. The limo’s rear window would lower, a bit of smoke would come out and a gloved hand would hold out a gallon bucket of ice cream for the driver to deliver to my doorstep. Always a different flavor. The driver was a young fumbling man who always said the same thing. “Its from your mom.” And then he’d hustle back to the limo, hop in and take off.
Its funny, because I don’t recall anything significant about my mom and icecream. I think it was the 5th day when I opened the door to see a gallon of rocky road thrust in my face that I lost it. I ran down the sidewalk screaming at the limo, “My mothers been dead for seven years!” You think this is funny?!” The rear window lowered and I saw someone. It was a form of light wearing a set of black and white coveralls. It looked at me and I tried to stop but I stumbled and was sucked through the window into the beings mouth. Everything went black and I fell backwards down a long tunnel. I landed in a white room and lost consciousness. When I awoke I was approached by 7 cute little kittens, and by the way they looked at me, I knew I was in trouble. I tried to move but I’d been tied up. Those cute little kittens tortured me for 2 or 3 days. They cut off little pieces of me with their tongues until I was a screaming pile of bleeding sand. I sat there, every molecule exploding in searing pain until the pain become nothing but a dull roar. I then watched a hawk slowly circle down from high in the sky, it landed on my head and relieved itself. After that I was forced to listen to Careless Whisper by George Micheal for about a week until I dried up completely and blew away on a southeasterly wind across a vast ocean and slowly reformed back in my own kitchen.
There was a knock at the door. Wow, deja-vu. It was 5:30 again. I went to the door. The driver held a gallon of rocky road out to me. I stared at the limo and the back window slowly rolled up. I took the Rocky Road, my mind agape. I went back inside and ate the entire gallon, alternately weeping and laughing. It was delicious.
