I’ve decided to sell out. From this moment forward I will only write emotionally satisfying tripe in thinly disguised hero motifs that the masses can easily relate to. I will involve the metaphysical and mysterious only to titillate and satiate dull imaginations. I will masturbate and coddle emotionally stunted robots by spoon-feeding them love and acceptance in character subplots. I will pretend that writing is something noble and transcendent and that I am a artist. I will make perfect sense. I will say profound things and cuss out babies. I will fuck the sun… dammit. Sorry I get carried away. Where was I? Oh yeah. I will not get carried away. I will brutalize your soul with the compassionate truth. I will set you free with words… but first I have to learn how to fucking write… shit.
My friends - I’ve lived through a great pie fight of humanity and I’ve survived. Not only that, but I have thrived. I have come to know peace and acceptance in my heart and I’d like to wield it like a comically over-sized dildo and bonk you over the head with it. I don’t know how to do this very well yet,(duh!) but hopefully someday I will.
It will be an epic bonking!
A bonking that will free you of the concepts of bonker and bonkee
and then you will see
that all there is
all there has ever been
and all there ever will be
is endless, infinite bonking.
