Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • October 11, 2010 10:24 am
            I’ve decided to sell out. From this moment forward I will only write emotionally satisfying tripe in thinly disguised hero motifs that the masses can easily relate to. I will involve the metaphysical and mysterious only to titillate and satiate dull imaginations. I will masturbate and coddle emotionally stunted robots by spoon-feeding them love and acceptance in character subplots. I will pretend that writing is something noble and transcendent and that I am a artist. I will make perfect sense. I will say profound things and cuss out babies. I will fuck the sun… dammit. Sorry I get carried away. Where was I? Oh yeah. I will not get carried away. I will brutalize your soul with the compassionate truth. I will set you free with words… but first I have to learn how to fucking write… shit.My friends - I’ve lived through a great pie fight of humanity and I’ve survived. Not only that, but I have thrived. I have come to know peace and acceptance in my heart and I’d like to wield it like a comically over-sized dildo and bonk you over the head with it. I don’t know how to do this very well yet,(duh!) but hopefully someday I will. It will be an epic bonking! A bonking that will free you of the concepts of bonker and bonkee and then you will see that all there is all there has ever been and all there ever will be is endless, infinite bonking.

            I’ve decided to sell out. From this moment forward I will only write emotionally satisfying tripe in thinly disguised hero motifs that the masses can easily relate to. I will involve the metaphysical and mysterious only to titillate and satiate dull imaginations. I will masturbate and coddle emotionally stunted robots by spoon-feeding them love and acceptance in character subplots. I will pretend that writing is something noble and transcendent and that I am a artist. I will make perfect sense. I will say profound things and cuss out babies. I will fuck the sun… dammit. Sorry I get carried away. Where was I? Oh yeah. I will not get carried away. I will brutalize your soul with the compassionate truth. I will set you free with words… but first I have to learn how to fucking write… shit.

            My friends - I’ve lived through a great pie fight of humanity and I’ve survived. Not only that, but I have thrived. I have come to know peace and acceptance in my heart and I’d like to wield it like a comically over-sized dildo and bonk you over the head with it. I don’t know how to do this very well yet,(duh!) but hopefully someday I will.

            It will be an epic bonking!

            A bonking that will free you of the concepts of bonker and bonkee

            and then you will see

            that all there is

            all there has ever been

            and all there ever will be

            is endless, infinite bonking.

            1. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            2. said: Brilliant.
            3. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            4. hookersorcake posted this