Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • November 3, 2011 1:00 am
            I saw an old, skinny, frail man out in the parking lot. He was all alone and tottering on over to the bus stop. I don’t know what it was but something in me really felt for the old timer. He seemed like a helpless little child.  But just then a roaming gang of preschoolers rolled up kicked the shit outta him and took his wallet. Well, there goes that metaphor I thought. And yeah I would’ve stopped that band of toddling delinquents, but little kids kinda freak me out. One thing I do know is if I’m on this mortal coil long enough to get old, skinny, and helpless…. I’m gonna grow me a beard and dress like a wizard. Then I won’t have to worry about getting mugged or robbed, cuz not even a idiot band of preschoolers would rob a wizard, right?

            I saw an old, skinny, frail man out in the parking lot. He was all alone and tottering on over to the bus stop. I don’t know what it was but something in me really felt for the old timer. He seemed like a helpless little child.  But just then a roaming gang of preschoolers rolled up kicked the shit outta him and took his wallet. Well, there goes that metaphor I thought.

            And yeah I would’ve stopped that band of toddling delinquents, but little kids kinda freak me out. One thing I do know is if I’m on this mortal coil long enough to get old, skinny, and helpless…. I’m gonna grow me a beard and dress like a wizard. Then I won’t have to worry about getting mugged or robbed, cuz not even a idiot band of preschoolers would rob a wizard, right?

            67 notes Filed under:  DJ Silly Ass, prose,.
            1. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            2. answered: I think dressing like a wizard is better than wearing purple
            3. answered: Gunna make sure my grand-nippers remember that. Mark my words, you’re going down Wizardy-balls.
            4. answered: NOW HE’S A DUCK. fuckin wizards
            5. reblogged this from hookersorcake and added:
            6. answered: If they try, you’ve at least got a bitchin’ staff to beat their asses with.
            7. answered: i don’t know little kids can be pretty vicious
            8. answered: Keep telling yourself that. Toddlers are brutal.
            9. answered: sure.
            10. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            11. This was featured in
            12. answered: In my career at Disney, I saw many kids kick Mickey’s ass. He wore a wizard’s hat, if only in Fantasia. Anyway,little marauding bastards….
            13. hookersorcake posted this
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