Mogen David’s concord grape wine was the first thing I ever got drunk off of. It was communion wine that I’d stole from my families church. I was an alter boy so I knew where it was kept. I musta been 12 or 13? Stole two liters and chugged it in the woods with a couple of other sinners. We then floated sideways down Catholic hill to a conveinece store where we bought snacks. I got a bag of Cheese Puffs for a buck. Then we went over to Billy Johnson’s to show him how fucking cool we were. Billy was a grade older and magnificent smart ass. He thought it was pretty rad that we were loaded at 3:30 in the afternoon. We smoked a Marb Red and listened to AC/DC and then went down in his basement to watch cartoons and finish our snacks. I couldn’t feel my legs or the rest of my body for that matter. I was just a disembodied head, spinning in a ludicriously carpeted rumpus room.
I don’t recall how I got home, but when I did I had the good fortune of sneaking past my mom. Perhaps all that Christ’s blood protected me. I went straight to the bathroom and hopped in the shower. I remember vomiting up what could best be described as a heap of gorilla meat; Cheesy puffs and that dark purple wine. It took some work to get it all broken up and down the drain but I did and got cleaned up and was suprisingly alert and sober by supper time.
I swore I’d never drink again. I forgot that every Sunday I’d get to have a shot of that same wine for communion. The look on my face, the priest had to know it was me.
