Hookers or Cake

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I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • October 25, 2011 1:26 am
            They had to amputate my left leg at the knee. And for a long time I guess I just felt sorry for myself. Especially when I’d see some asshole who had no legs winning track meets against able bodied competition or a one legged pirate hooker swindle a former Beatle and hop away with millions. I never found any of it inspiring, it just made me feel more like a failure.But lately I’ve been listening to these Tony Robbins cd’s and I’ve decided to start saying “Yes” to life. I’ve decided with just a little bit of plastic surgery that I no longer need to be just some guy who’s missing half his leg. Soon I will be a one legged man with a massive penis. Then the plan is to kidnap Tony Robbins. And introduce him to the giant he has awakened.

            They had to amputate my left leg at the knee. And for a long time I guess I just felt sorry for myself. Especially when I’d see some asshole who had no legs winning track meets against able bodied competition or a one legged pirate hooker swindle a former Beatle and hop away with millions. I never found any of it inspiring, it just made me feel more like a failure.
            But lately I’ve been listening to these Tony Robbins cd’s and I’ve decided to start saying “Yes” to life. I’ve decided with just a little bit of plastic surgery that I no longer need to be just some guy who’s missing half his leg. Soon I will be a one legged man with a massive penis.

            Then the plan is to kidnap Tony Robbins. And introduce him to the giant he has awakened.

            77 notes Filed under:  prose,.
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            4. said: I do hope you plan on documenting this wonderful transformation in picture form.
            5. said: Whiteysplace: gutteral man-laugh ensued.
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