Dear members of the board, shareholders, and fellow employees
As of Tuesday, October 4th, I have legally changed my name to Meow Meow Poop Face. As a member of the Mystic Order of Absurd Assholes I am required to change my name, once I become a deathless, roaring, singularity of total peace, and awareness. I have done thusly, so hence the name change.
I will still fulfill all of my duties as CEO of Brentwood, Brentwood, and Hot Roddinton. I will still drive my Ferrari to work on Fridays and my Mercedes every other day. I will still hold my position as member and board chairman at the country club and I will still reside at 909 Brentwood Eastates with my lovely wife Merilee and our two Yorkie’s; Prisilla and Chester. Everything will be exactly the same. Only I now will be referred to as Mr. Poop Face. I know many of you have gotten used to calling me Ted before, but I’m afraid that I find Meow, or Meow Meow, a tad too informal and it might get a touch confusing in meetings. I hope you understand.
I also would like to reiterate that even though we have had to make some recent cuts that we are doing everything in our power to secure our financial stability through the immediate future. Thanks again for all your hard work and I am excited about the prospects for the coming year.
Warmest Regards,
Meow Meow Poop Face
CEO of Brentwood, Brentwood, and Hot Roddington
P.S. A brief reminder that since we’ve been dropped by our insurance provider we will no longer require drug testing. There are Donuts and all sorts of wonderful pills in the break room.
