Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

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      • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

      ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

      ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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          • August 29, 2010 1:51 pm
            I am starting a new business in which I will teach people how to shoot guns with their feet. This way a person will be able to SHOOT 4 GUNS AT ONCE!!!  I learned the trick from the lowland gorillas of the Congo. In exchange I taught the gorillas how to make a simple apple crisp using a clay oven. It was surprisingly quite delicious but then I made the mistake of mentioning that it’d be even better if we had some ice cream. The gorillas then insisted that I teach them how to make ice cream. I tried to explain that this was impossible, that it required ice… we’d need electricity… and they wouldn’t hear of it. I barely escaped with my life. So now I’ll make my millions with my new business and I’ll return to the jungle with a diesel generator. I will become a god. The Emperor of Ice Cream!

            I am starting a new business in which I will teach people how to shoot guns with their feet. This way a person will be able to SHOOT 4 GUNS AT ONCE!!!

             I learned the trick from the lowland gorillas of the Congo. In exchange I taught the gorillas how to make a simple apple crisp using a clay oven. It was surprisingly quite delicious but then I made the mistake of mentioning that it’d be even better if we had some ice cream. The gorillas then insisted that I teach them how to make ice cream. I tried to explain that this was impossible, that it required ice… we’d need electricity… and they wouldn’t hear of it. I barely escaped with my life.

            So now I’ll make my millions with my new business and I’ll return to the jungle with a diesel generator. I will become a god. The Emperor of Ice Cream!

            23 notes Filed under:  Wallace Stevens, silly stories, 76543210,.
            1. reblogged this from hookersorcake
            2. said: Those recalcitrant gorillas, when *will* they learn…
            3. hookersorcake posted this
          by Peter Vidani. For .
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