I’ve been hired by Bill Simmons to be his editor. No, not the ESPN Bill Simmons who writes 10,000+ word ramblers on how the current NBA is just like Rocky IV. And while that Bill Simmons has needed an editor for years, he’s probably beyond help.*
* like many men he’s successful solely for being lucky and mildly creative once in his 20’s - so now he’s a genius who answers to no one.
The Bill Simmons I’m working for is just some old rich guy who rakes in cash as a pharmacy rep and is addicted to social networking amoung other things. I get paid to transcribe and edit lengthy blog posts from his drunken, garbled voice recordings. They’re mostly 3 way fantasies that involve Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin and himself. They usually devolve into him transferring his soul essence into Palin via his semen and her growing a massive cock that he/she then rip Michele Bachmann in half with. The hardest part of the job is deciphering the tape as Bill is not only drunk, but always masturbating.
I do think there is a strong future in this kinda work. What rich asshole wouldn’t want to have their own media advisor and editor? Every politician has one or several if they’re famous. A clever humorist to write snarky twitter posts when someone dies or someone to write bullet points on how dumb, poor people are. Basic graphic design skills are also helpful to photoshop American flags into the background of every picture they’re in.
Lets face it its a tough economy and I’m a shitty writer, but if you can photoshop Sarah Palin’s head on a naked body… there are a lot of 50 yr-old dudes who will give you whatever you want.