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I don’t know if you remember how opera got started. There was a pitcher for the Giants. He had anxiety so bad that the roar of the crowd kinda freaked him out, so the team told the fans to be quiet when he pitched.
Anyway it got to be so silently still that you could hear an ant order another round of beers. Then one day some little fat kid started singing some sad little fat kid song and we all wept and watched the pitcher walk the lead off hitter and give up the lead on a two run homer.

I don’t know if you remember how opera got started. There was a pitcher for the Giants. He had anxiety so bad that the roar of the crowd kinda freaked him out, so the team told the fans to be quiet when he pitched.

Anyway it got to be so silently still that you could hear an ant order another round of beers. Then one day some little fat kid started singing some sad little fat kid song and we all wept and watched the pitcher walk the lead off hitter and give up the lead on a two run homer.

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I get so tired sometimeshaving to make sense
Today at lunch I saw a bird singing on the roof. I got really excited as I suddenly had the idea to start singing to birds and maybe I could even learn to communicate with them and then I’d have bird friends. Yes! Bird friends.
So what. I get a little lonely sometimes.
Anyway, I tried whistling to the bird and the bird just cocked it’s head at me like I was the dumbest fucker on the planet. I laughed out loud. My boss gave me an odd look though.
We’d gone outside to talk about my project plan, which he felt needed to be more granular. I smiled at him and nodded as he proceeded to talk about a database server build. I looked back to the bird, but the bird was gone.

I get so tired sometimes
having to make sense

Today at lunch I saw a bird singing on the roof. I got really excited as I suddenly had the idea to start singing to birds and maybe I could even learn to communicate with them and then I’d have bird friends. Yes! Bird friends.

So what. I get a little lonely sometimes.

Anyway, I tried whistling to the bird and the bird just cocked it’s head at me like I was the dumbest fucker on the planet. I laughed out loud. My boss gave me an odd look though.

We’d gone outside to talk about my project plan, which he felt needed to be more granular. I smiled at him and nodded as he proceeded to talk about a database server build. I looked back to the bird, but the bird was gone.

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Hookers or Cake turned 5 today!
Sharing a birthday with Nietzsche and Tito Jackson!

Hookers or Cake turned 5 today!

Sharing a birthday with Nietzsche and Tito Jackson!

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The Best/Worst songs of the 80s’ #73 - Amadeus by Falco

There is silence and then there is the silence that exists after hearing a crying baby get eaten alive by a wild animal. So it is with Falco’s international hit, Amadeus. The song inexplicably spent three weeks atop the US Billboard Charts in early 1986. Crocodile Dundee was also a big hit that year. Drugs and bad choices were bringing the world together.

The music video suggests that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart would have been a Svengali-like mentor to bikers. This feels cosmically satisfying. It’s the only reason I’m posting this inferior German version of the song. While the American version may or may not be “better,” it did have a woman’s voice excitedly squealing over a bed of rhythmic bass drums, “Whew! Rock me, Amadeus!” I can assure you, my thirteen year old ears found that bit to be electric. She sounded so startled by her own pleasure.

Several years later in Chicago, Mr. Darren King and I were driving to the store to get another handle of gin. It was the summer of gin. Dre and Snoop had declared it thus. At a stoplight, the car in front of us had the personalized license plate FALCO3.

I don’t know if I was more excited that perhaps we were behind the great Falco himself, or that somewhere in Chicago seven years after the fact someone had a Falco license plate.

Pro Tip: Try sliding Falco’s lounge lizard version of “It’s All Over Now Baby Blue” by Bob Dylan into the playlist for your next party. Someone will inevitably ask, “What the fuck is this?!”

Mayhem will ensue.

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TGIF!

TGIF!

(Source: groodstuff, via waxtheledge)

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There is a blessingin the darknessan animal silencelike a prayer
a juxtaposition to stretch acrosslike an altar
closingthe old circuitwith a simple act
like knocking off the Pope’s hatfrom an impressive distancewith your favorite purple sparkly rubber dildo
or scooting on your ass like a dogacross the labyrinthat the Chartres Cathedral
Anything to satiatethis ancient holy itch
anything to whisperthe wordinto flesh

There is a blessing
in the darkness
an animal silence
like a prayer

a juxtaposition
to stretch across
like an altar

closing
the old circuit
with a simple act

like knocking off the Pope’s hat
from an impressive distance
with your favorite purple
sparkly rubber dildo

or scooting on your ass
like a dog
across the labyrinth
at the Chartres Cathedral

Anything to satiate
this ancient holy itch

anything to whisper
the word
into flesh

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These are the things I wanted to say to you. I wrote them inside all the nights and days, the hours and minutes spent alone.
In traffic. In the office looking out the window. Afternoons in the backyard. With the dog. Under the trees and sky. All that I saw. All that reminded me of you and me.
We.
The time we spent together. This song of us. How we loved, fought, and played. How we hid in plain sight.
How the heart turned time into magic, then disappeared.

These are the things I wanted to say to you. I wrote them inside all the nights and days, the hours and minutes spent alone.

In traffic. In the office looking out the window. Afternoons in the backyard. With the dog. Under the trees and sky. All that I saw. All that reminded me of you and me.

We.

The time we spent together. This song of us. How we loved, fought, and played. How we hid in plain sight.

How the heart turned time into magic, then disappeared.

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Self indulgent horse shit who?
Goddamn I love not having ta make any sense. To whisper slow quiet things in the rain so even I can’t hear what it is, I’m singing.
I’ve been writing things on the internet since the late ’90s. Back then I was just writing ramblin’ emails to a girl I met at a rave. Her name was Mara, she was in a masters program for evolutionary biology. We met by arguing about the lyrics to a Will Oldham song. I know that makes me sound like a smug asshole. And its OK. I’ll admit it.
Anyway we hung out for the evening and I became one with the universe after attacking a marching band of clowns (true story) Actually, they attacked me because I ruined their performance art piece. Fucking clowns, always so serious.
Anyway, Mara watched me go through some sort of huge drug fueled spiritual shift where I was tested by a supreme being of light and lived in the billions of ways and plays of being until I died and was reborn as the supreme being of light itself.
In other words I danced around like white guy on PCP.
It was a good time.
Anyway, Mara was amused and gave me her number/email and I started writing her these crazy love emails. I wasn’t in love with her and she knew that. I didn’t know her and we’d never even kissed and only hung out together one evening/morning. Sure, she looked directly into my eyes and I saw her as a being of pure curious love and light, but I was just visiting town and left the next day.
So, I wrote all my experiences of love to her for about two to three months and she encouraged me, which was nice. Then that kinda sputtered out and I began to write long replies to spam email. I knew no one read them or ever even saw them, but I’d never felt more free. Roaring into void I guess.
Then I fell into a serious depression and kept calling in sick to work. I’d tried to help some homeless Vietnam vet and I failed. And because my dad was a Vietnam vet, whom I’d never met, it totally fucking destroyed me. I had to go live in a monastery. I lived as a monk, read a lot, went for long walks and lived in the silence like it was honey. It rejuvenated me and I found a spiritual teacher who was also a kick ass therapist.
This was all ten plus years ago and I guess what I learned is that life is a conversation between light and dark. And sometimes you’re the joy of being and sometimes you’re the fucking dregs. It’s like an on again off again romance and you’re actually playing both parts.
So you learn to succeed and then you learn to fail. And you succeed bigger and better only to fall apart more and more brilliantly. This goes on and on until one day you give up and fall in love with everything.
Then you live life as the mystery and tell dirty knock jokes while life kicks your ass.  IE. become the dumb middle management guy in the office who thinks he’s funny.
Knock Knock…

Self indulgent horse shit who?

Goddamn I love not having ta make any sense. To whisper slow quiet things in the rain so even I can’t hear what it is, I’m singing.

I’ve been writing things on the internet since the late ’90s. Back then I was just writing ramblin’ emails to a girl I met at a rave. Her name was Mara, she was in a masters program for evolutionary biology. We met by arguing about the lyrics to a Will Oldham song. I know that makes me sound like a smug asshole. And its OK. I’ll admit it.

Anyway we hung out for the evening and I became one with the universe after attacking a marching band of clowns (true story) Actually, they attacked me because I ruined their performance art piece. Fucking clowns, always so serious.

Anyway, Mara watched me go through some sort of huge drug fueled spiritual shift where I was tested by a supreme being of light and lived in the billions of ways and plays of being until I died and was reborn as the supreme being of light itself.

In other words I danced around like white guy on PCP.

It was a good time.

Anyway, Mara was amused and gave me her number/email and I started writing her these crazy love emails. I wasn’t in love with her and she knew that. I didn’t know her and we’d never even kissed and only hung out together one evening/morning. Sure, she looked directly into my eyes and I saw her as a being of pure curious love and light, but I was just visiting town and left the next day.

So, I wrote all my experiences of love to her for about two to three months and she encouraged me, which was nice. Then that kinda sputtered out and I began to write long replies to spam email. I knew no one read them or ever even saw them, but I’d never felt more free. Roaring into void I guess.

Then I fell into a serious depression and kept calling in sick to work. I’d tried to help some homeless Vietnam vet and I failed. And because my dad was a Vietnam vet, whom I’d never met, it totally fucking destroyed me. I had to go live in a monastery. I lived as a monk, read a lot, went for long walks and lived in the silence like it was honey. It rejuvenated me and I found a spiritual teacher who was also a kick ass therapist.

This was all ten plus years ago and I guess what I learned is that life is a conversation between light and dark. And sometimes you’re the joy of being and sometimes you’re the fucking dregs. It’s like an on again off again romance and you’re actually playing both parts.

So you learn to succeed and then you learn to fail. And you succeed bigger and better only to fall apart more and more brilliantly. This goes on and on until one day you give up and fall in love with everything.

Then you live life as the mystery and tell dirty knock jokes while life kicks your ass.  IE. become the dumb middle management guy in the office who thinks he’s funny.

Knock Knock…

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She put the OM in OMG
Had a dream that I worked in a massage parlor and God was my customer. Of course God asked for a happy ending, but he only had like twenty bucks so I only told him the very very end.
"You were standing in front of a newsstand on the sidewalk and all the covers of all the magazines fluttered at once in the wind. They stopped and it was still. And the silence. Boom. The silence was like a trance that drew you in.
You stood listening to the echo of your own surprise. It felt like falling in love. Like you suddenly saw yourself. And you felt something like a tenderness rise up and light fire to your whole being. You nodded like a slow burn double take. Becoming a kind of Janus. And you spent the next 14 billion years fucking yourself with the holy relic of sound.”

She put the OM in OMG

Had a dream that I worked in a massage parlor and God was my customer. Of course God asked for a happy ending, but he only had like twenty bucks so I only told him the very very end.

"You were standing in front of a newsstand on the sidewalk and all the covers of all the magazines fluttered at once in the wind. They stopped and it was still. And the silence. Boom. The silence was like a trance that drew you in.

You stood listening to the echo of your own surprise. It felt like falling in love. Like you suddenly saw yourself. And you felt something like a tenderness rise up and light fire to your whole being. You nodded like a slow burn double take. Becoming a kind of Janus. And you spent the next 14 billion years fucking yourself with the holy relic of sound.”

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Waltzing the Dead Cat
And what of God?The breadth of Godthe length of Godas if measuredin a square
A dancesungtwo by two
sung in a circlesung in the roundup no further from down
Black Elk fell off the mountainand found the center was everywherethe circumference nowhere
Before I was born a cat purred me to sleep
In my dreamI buried the cat
but when I awokeit was the cat who buried me
and we were threeall goneall gone dancing
all that’s leftthis tumbling laughterforever afterAumen

Waltzing the Dead Cat

And what of God?
The breadth of God
the length of God
as if measured
in a square

A dance
sung
two by two

sung in a circle
sung in the round
up no further from
down

Black Elk fell off the mountain
and found
the center was everywhere

the circumference nowhere

Before I was born
a cat purred
me to sleep

In my dream
I buried the cat

but when I awoke
it was the cat
who buried me

and we were three
all gone
all gone dancing

all that’s left
this tumbling laughter
forever after
Aumen

Tags: poetry