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"The thing to remember about practically all men is that as an eight year old the most wonderful pornography imaginable is the demolition derby."
- Soren Kierkegaard

"The thing to remember about practically all men is that as an eight year old the most wonderful pornography imaginable is the demolition derby."

- Soren Kierkegaard

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Grist for the Mill
When people find out I work for a puppy mill they’re usually unable to hide their disapproval. What they don’t realize is that I’m only a financial adviser. I give the puppies sound financial advice. Whatever the puppies do with my advice is up to them. Though I am proud to point out that puppies who have acted on my advice have done quite well for themselves, aside from a couple of mini pins that got a little over their heads in penny stocks in Thailand.
I would also like to clue people in on the fact that while puppies might appear to be cute and cuddly wuddly widdle sweethearts, looks can be deceiving. Puppies are, well, let’s just say I advised a litter of wiener dogs and as a result they devalued a certain African country’s currency, and this resulted in more than 3 million people dead due to an ensuing famine and civil war. The wiener dogs cleared 26 bill. Do you think those puppies stopped playing tug of war with their favorite orange blanky for even one second?

Grist for the Mill

When people find out I work for a puppy mill they’re usually unable to hide their disapproval. What they don’t realize is that I’m only a financial adviser. I give the puppies sound financial advice. Whatever the puppies do with my advice is up to them. Though I am proud to point out that puppies who have acted on my advice have done quite well for themselves, aside from a couple of mini pins that got a little over their heads in penny stocks in Thailand.

I would also like to clue people in on the fact that while puppies might appear to be cute and cuddly wuddly widdle sweethearts, looks can be deceiving. Puppies are, well, let’s just say I advised a litter of wiener dogs and as a result they devalued a certain African country’s currency, and this resulted in more than 3 million people dead due to an ensuing famine and civil war. The wiener dogs cleared 26 bill. Do you think those puppies stopped playing tug of war with their favorite orange blanky for even one second?

(Source: hookersorcake)

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gameraboy: “Wonder Woman vs. Gargantua!”

gameraboy: “Wonder Woman vs. Gargantua!”

(via rei-gomes)

Tags: oh yeah
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As a teen you followed your dream landed a job at the world famous art museum  the only opening in doggy daycare
The rich patrons would come indripping jewelry and fur
drop off their little sweetums designer bags full of treats  toys and elaborate letters explaining complicated conditions and insane demandsThe hours you spent  painstakingly training each pup to play dead
so when Mumsie would return the entire museum would be treatedto a holy shriek an aria of grief
Then the magical moment  the holy miracle “Arise, Fluffy!”
That was the moment you fell in love with that split second where no one knew what anything was anymore
Spilled tears uncertain before turning back into diamonds even the furs forget and purr for a brief loving swim
Then the stiffening realization the mask hastily rearranged a few quick kisses and suspicious glances business as usual

As a teen you followed your dream
landed a job at the world famous art museum
the only opening in doggy daycare

The rich patrons would come in
dripping jewelry and fur

drop off their little sweetums
designer bags full of treats
toys and elaborate letters explaining
complicated conditions and insane demands

The hours you spent
painstakingly training each pup
to play dead

so when Mumsie would return
the entire museum would be treated
to a holy shriek
an aria of grief

Then the magical moment
the holy miracle
“Arise, Fluffy!”

That was the moment you fell in love with
that split second where no one knew
what anything was anymore

Spilled tears uncertain
before turning back into diamonds
even the furs forget and purr
for a brief loving swim

Then the stiffening realization
the mask hastily rearranged
a few quick kisses and suspicious glances
business as usual

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TGIF
Tags: TGIF
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This Music
Basically you have to subjugate your mindto pancakes and the dull hollering thudof birds flying into the window
You have to be ready to run across an open fieldor eat fudgsicles for two to three months
You have to lose yourself in…well, I’d suggest loosing yourself in pleasure firstif you can manage, like making love or musicand then slowly edging into cold darkness
but if you’re born in darkness don’t worryit’s actually easier
Trust me when I say, don’t worry about death and darknessin the end you’ll just fall in love with everythingand everything will fall in love with you
It all falls aparttogether in the dark
That’s another funny thing about Jesus,he never farted much, but when he didhe thought it was hilarious

This Music

Basically you have to subjugate your mind
to pancakes and the dull hollering thud
of birds flying into the window

You have to be ready to run across an open field
or eat fudgsicles for two to three months

You have to lose yourself in…
well, I’d suggest loosing yourself in pleasure first
if you can manage, like making love or music
and then slowly edging into cold darkness

but if you’re born in darkness don’t worry
it’s actually easier

Trust me when I say, don’t worry
about death and darkness
in the end you’ll just fall in love with everything
and everything will fall in love with you

It all falls apart
together in the dark

That’s another funny thing about Jesus,
he never farted much, but when he did
he thought it was hilarious

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godlessgreg:

postchildmusic:

The almighty owl [GIF] - Imgur

Owl yeah mutha fucka…

godlessgreg:

postchildmusic:

The almighty owl [GIF] - Imgur

Owl yeah mutha fucka…

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Jesus came back, but spent most of his time in museums looking at old paintings of himself.

Jesus came back, but spent most of his time in museums looking at old paintings of himself.

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shiny nail in roadcries for union with your tirehappy honeymoon!

shiny nail in road
cries for union with your tire
happy honeymoon!

Tags: Haiku poetry
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Poems are secretssecrets for the tongue and teethrecipes for fantasyhappily incomprehensibleto the accountant mind
poems are magic spellstransforming nightmaresinto mysterious lovers
poems are a secret passageinto a secret room lost long agoa forgotten dream
a secret room opensinto a secret housea secret foresta secret world
a secret that waitsshivering stillin plain sightlike a razor

Poems are secrets
secrets for the tongue and teeth
recipes for fantasy
happily incomprehensible
to the accountant mind

poems are magic spells
transforming nightmares
into mysterious lovers

poems are a secret passage
into a secret room
lost long ago
a forgotten dream

a secret room opens
into a secret house
a secret forest
a secret world

a secret that waits
shivering still
in plain sight
like a razor